I am taking a stand. For myself. My daughters. For the future of girls everywhere, who will one day grow up to be women. And for grown-up women who have only the sense of small girls. I have decided to start a column here on The Daily Dish called JUST SAY NO! This semi-regular post will inspire women to be the best they can by JUST SAYING NO! to something I have deemed 100% truly awful.

So w/out further ado, Today, Ladies, let’s JUST SAY NO! to Ass Shorts.

If you live in the US then you have seen these shorts somewhere. At the beach, at the mall, at the gym. Who knows. Depending on where you live, maybe even at church. Butt shorts, booty shorts, whatever you want to call them. Those elastic-waist gym shorts w/some sort of logo or catch phrase splashed across the butt. Things like CHEERLEADER or FOXY or U WISH. HELP ME. CALL 911. or UNDERAGE.

I do not think it’s cool to encourage strangers to read my ass. And I reaaally reeeeaaaaaaaallllly don’t think it’s cool to invite unknown callers to check out those of my daughters. And by NOT COOL, I of course mean anyone who does should have their eyeballs ripped from their sockets with a rusty fork and then set on fire.

I have, however, seen young girls wearing these ass shorts. I can’t say how old they were, but if you are using a binky (pacifier) then you are pretty honkin young. MOTHERS OUT THERE. If you are allowing your minor child to wear ass shorts, you my friend are not only asking for trouble, you are indeed DEMANDING IT. You would not encourage (I would hope) any ne’er do wells to come fondle your child. Then why give them an excuse to eyeball their butt?? HEL-LOO?? I don’t care how old your daughter is, she shouldn’t be wearing ass shorts. It is BAAAAAAAAAAAD. Shame on you.

It’s great to have your own personal style. It’s great to be cute, or sassy, or both. But it’s hard to be taken seriously by the world when your ass SCREAMS HEY!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE. I like to SWIM. or play FIELD HOCKEY. I HEART HORSES. Whatever. Tell the world how great you are w/out letting your fanny speak volumes.

So, in conclusion, let’s get a grip ladies. Do yourselves (and the rest of us) a favor, and toss those ass shorts like yesterday’s garbage. GRR-8!!!

Tune in next week for the second brilliant installment of JUST SAY NO! Till then, Remember to JUST SAY NO! to Ass Shorts.


My pal Curly’s most recent blog contest is a Doodle Day Drawing. And although I have entered, I am facing some mighty strong competition. Here is my doodle, entitled LOVE.

No one has voted for it yet and could that be any sadder?? An unloved LOVE doodle? So please, if you haven’t already voted, go over to Curly’s site now and leave a comment voting for it! Whoever gets the most votes wins a super tote bag and the prestige of being named BEST DOODLER EVER on Curly’s blog. Pick MEEEEE!!

Early January, 1997

Staring out across the valley,
thickets dissolving into opaque silvery waters.
The mist
a spectral dream
hovering between the cold earth
and warm sky,
a ghostly sea I swim transfixed.

The trees have long shed their summer garb
and stand erect in the stillness.
They beckon me to join in their procession
To run,
into the haunt.
To break each foggy wave
with flailing arms and lungs full of joyous song.
To disturb
each flightless bird
into action.
And to watch
the eddies swirl round me,
as they unite into one almighty dance skyward.


This post is dedicated to my dear blog buddy Hayden, who has been writing about her own teenage angst-filled poetry. Here’s one for you babe.

Attention DAILY DISH Readers

Today’s recipe – Salmon Cakes – will be my last new post for a week. We are celebrating my grandmother’s 95th birthday with extended family this weekend and I’ll be BUSY!!! Unfortunately, waaaaaay too busy to make updates to the website. I will resume regularly-scheduled posting on Wednesday, April 30th, once the craziness has died down and everyone has returned home. Till then, please feel free to browse the Recipe Index at your leisure for hundreds of mouth-wateringly delicious low-sodium dishes. Many thanks for your continued support and VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!!!