A couple months ago, I was in a pickle. I’d put a pair of pants up for sale on eBay before noticing they had a subtle grease spot on one of the legs. What can I say, I’VE BEEN DISTRACTED. As luck would have it, the pants sold and I was left in a quandary. I couldn’t sell misrepresented merchandise, but I didn’t want to forgo the sale if I could help it. So I looked online, searching for a sure-fire way to get that grease out. Trust me when I say there are a lot of questionable suggestions out there. Everything from talcum powder to WD-40 to Cheez Whiz is supposed to remove grease. But I needed foolproof. I didn’t have time to spare, and I didn’t want to further damage the pants in the process. Several websites spoke glowingly of a product I’d never heard of before.
Dawn Power Dissolver is a spray cleaner made to remove caked-on crap from dishes, but people online raved about it taking grease off ovens and more importantly, OUT OF CLOTHES. I wasn’t optimistic, but figured it was worth a shot. It wasn’t expensive. And if it worked… OOooh!! So I googled the stuff, trying to find someplace to buy it. The only store w/in miles? Walmart.
I don’t normally shop at Walmart. Apart from what it’s done to local economies, I hate the parking lot. Nowhere else on earth (apart from Christmas Tree Shops) are pedestrians put at greater risk. But I needed THAT SPRAY. I told myself I’d just be quick – in and out, then home. But being at the Walmart here (versus the old one in Philly) was sort of a novel experience. Whereas the Philly Walmart offers rock-bottom prices in filthy surroundings with hordes of half-dressed shoppers, the store here is ginormous. It’s new and super clean. And, perhaps b/c of the cooler climate, the clientele here wear more clothes. I may hate Walmart, but I love bargains. So after I’d picked up a bottle of spray, I got a cart and tooled around the NASCAR-sized arena. I bought a new mop. Some hamburger buns. And then I remembered my older daughter wanted ice cream cones. She’d been asking for them for a week, I’d kept forgetting. I found them, helpfully located at the end of the frozen foods aisle. They had several boxes, I reached for some at eye-height, feeling joyful as I put those Joy Cones into the cart and proceeded to checkout.
I returned home to launder the pants. The Dawn Power Dissolver worked WONDERS! removing the grease stain completely w/ no ill effects whatsoever. My daughter enjoyed her ice cream cones, whilst I mopped happily and my husband grilled burgers for our buns. We all sang Kumbayah and .. and… AND!
The first part of my story is completely true. Dawn Power Dissolver IS the best grease removing spray in the world. I sprayed it on those pants, waited 10 minutes and then washed them. The stain came out like magic, I marveled at my good fortune, and everyone was happy. As for everything else.. ALL LIES. The mop broke the first time I used it, the burger buns were stale – but the biggest kicker were those cones.
Does this look like the face of a happy child?
She is, after all, holding a box of JOY. You’d think she’d be a bit thrilled. But no. And why? B/c Walmart and the Joy Cone Company played a terrible trick on me. Oh yes they did! And here is the rest of my story. (ALL TRUE.)
Look at the package.
Pretty, right? Attractively colored, sure to please. Placed at eye-height, just where I’d grab it and stick it in my cart. It’s a box of ice cream cones, for pete’s sake, what the heck could be wrong?! BUT IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY..
You will see each and every one of those 60 (yes, 60) cones is actually .. smaller than the size of my THUMB.
Here is one of the cones beside our (quite average sized) ice cream scoop.
One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn’t belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?
Although my husband was simply overjoyed by these shrimpy JOY cones, thinking they would restrict our daughters’ consumption of ice cream significantly, my daughters & I were not amused. AT ALL.
Those tiny ice cream cones might look cute, and charming, and if they were sturdy, they indeed might hold something other than the two drops of air inside. They might even hold – gasp – a spoonful of ice cream! We could have stood round scooping a good cup or two total of ice cream into all 60, placed them in a bowl or on a tray and eaten the whole lot of them, whilst chuckling heartily at the hilarity of it all, snapping pictures, and wondering when we were going to do it all again. Instead, when I tried spooning the barest wisp of ice cream into a single one of these cones, it left the damn thing in crumbs. Each of those petite ice cream cones is a ruse, a mere TEASE. You cannot get ice cream into any of them, without smashing them into smithereens, unless your ice cream is soup. Whereas most people would chalk all of this up to experience, WHHHOOOPSIE, I bought some tiny ding-dong cones, MY BAD>, I am not one of them. REMEMBER?? I am a crazy woman having to sell greasy pants on ebay to get by !!!!!! That dollar or two I spent on that box of worthless ice cream cones – and believe me, they are completely worthless, was TOO FREAKING MUCH. I do not like being had. Joy Cones, FOR SHAME. And here’s an idea for you.
Please tell me what I am supposed to do with the remaining 58 minuscule cones I still have in my possession. B/c apart from the above, I cannot think of a single thing.
Sorry for the giggling in the background, but my daughters would LOVE these!
You can actually use these to make miniature Ice Cream Cone Cupcakes. If you visit Cooks.com and type in ice cream cone cupcakes, there are some recipes that you can use to turn these disappointments into cute after-school munchies! Or, I spose you could even use them for muffin mixes, and make them for breakfast-in-a-cone….
hmmmmm…….
I HEAR YOU LAUGHING breaaire !
Just teasing. Thanks so much for the clever ideas. I’ll have to post if I actually do anything w/ them (other than feel resentful – hah!)
ice cream dilemma: put ice cream in a bowl, break up some cone, sprinkle, enjoy. Or sing kumbya. ‘ever.
Second the cupcakecone idea. YUM.
Grease remover: OMG. For reals? Steve gets his truck undercoated and the doors are at my thigh height and I’ve ruin many pants by leaning into grease. I loves you.
Wal*Mart: You done got un of dem dare fancy NEW wal*martses. We gots one too and it ain’t too bad, for being wal*mart en all. Sorry to hear ’bout your mop and buns… (I enjoyed the NASCAR comment)
ice cream scoop: I seeeee dddiiisssshhhhyyy.
Heyya Bouncy babe! Thanks for the topping idea. I ate the first cone like that (by default) – not sure i can stomach any more (wacka wacka)
As for the grease remover. People online talked about it being difficult to find – if you have to, go to Walmart. They sell it w/ the dishwashing liquid. Blue spray bottle, Dawn Power Dissolver. I seriously cannot say enough good stuff about this product. It cost me like $3 and works like MAGIC. After I got that one spot out, I went through our wardrobes and pulled out everything else I could find, simply to test it. It worked on everything; even clothes that had been laundered (washed & dried) umpteen times. I keep it in the kitchen, it also works on cruddy pots. Just spray it on, let it sit like 15 minutes, and the crap just falls off. This product is AMAZING!! And no they haven’t paid me to say this – though if you are reading it DAWN, please feel free to send me some free wonder spray. THANKS!
Love ya babe – *touching belly*
xoxo
I hope that Dawn stuff works, after The Brush Incident, I picked up some.
Not that I can really fit into that shirt anymore, but it’s the idea.
Plus, it soaked through to my one-of-two bras which are barely containing The Girls. Last thing I need are more ruined shirts.
Boy I hope so too. Even Curly went out & bought some. If it doesn’t work I fear my a$$ is grass!
PS: I checked my box of maternity clothes and yep, gave all the summer stuff to my next door neighbor in Philly. But if you’re looking for a sweet velvet dress top for the heat of summer, LET ME KNOW! LOL
Ummm…. it would be cruel to point out that, ahem, that’s what you get for shopping at Walmart. so I won’t. Esp. since I sometimes am dazzled by cheapness in to doing the same. But the last (cheap) taco shells I bought there were crummy like your cones. However, I am thrilled to find out about the Dawn grease remover stuff. I knew regular Dawn was amazing, but this sounds super-amazing!
I do have an idea. You can a) write a review of the Dawn stuff for profit (on one of the “writing for profit” sites that are proliferating on the Internet, like Associated Content, which loves reviews). AND you can write to the Joy company to politely and hilariously complain about the miniscule cups and they will probably send you something. It might be coupons for a lifetime supply of the said cups; but maybe you could then sell them to the people who make cute cupcakes out of them. 🙂
Trace, I have a “problem.” Despite my less-than-stellar experience with Walmart, I am now craving to go back. Even though the cones were a cruel joke, the buns were stale and the mop broke. They sell Breyers ice cream (all natural!) for only $2.25. HELP MEEEEEE!!
Thanks so much for the heads-up about the AC. I will def check that out. xoxo
PS: Dear everyone else, If you are reading this and would like me to review your product/s, please send to the address below:
The Daily Dish
PO Box 824
Portland, ME 04104
Dishy…I do believe you have missed your life calling…so many unfunny people out there…you should make money off of your stories and not have to sell the pants off your back 🙂
Do Wild Turkeys eat ice cream cones???
Connie, I would LOVE to have someone pay me to write, I am running out of pants! LOL
PS: The turkeys say they are insulted by the offer of tiny cones. Even they have standards.
Ding dong cones???! Good lord, you must have had a bad experience or two.
Ooh Rob, you have NO idea….
HAH! Love ya! xoxo
It is your fault, it is absolutely your fault that Chris is staring at me like I’m a crazy woman. Jesus, I’m just glad I wasn’t DRINKING anything when I read this.
P.S. I kind of think those cones are adorable.
Hayden, I agree, they are indescribably cute. But somehow that just makes me angrier. I wanted average. In America, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!
Luckily, we don’t have a Walmart anywhere near NYC. And I say luckily, because like you, I love/HATE Walmart. I truly do think it’s evil. But I also truly do like finding everything I could ever want in one store. Stores here have exactly one brand of whatever they do have, and what they have is never much. Going to visit my family in Ohio is so joyous because I get to load up at Walmart (and eat at DQ, which we also don’t have here).
I vote that you melt the ice cream, fill the cones with the liquid, and then re-freeze it. I think it’ll be horrible. But maybe better than wasting them. But then again, maybe not.
Darling UM, I too adore DQ. Give me a Dilly Bar and I am one happy woman. I have not yet returned to Walmart, but we’re out of ice cream and I know it’s just a matter of time before my cheapness wins out over my good sense. And many thanks for your suggestion!! I will let you know how the re-frozen ice crystalized mini cones come out. (Maybe if I get a flavor w/ add-ins, the extra crunch & freezer burn won’t be as noticeable?)
the picture of your kid is classic. i might have to get a kid just to use as a prop in my photos…not that i ever post on my blog anymore.
the cones are tres cute! scrumble them up and dust them over the ice cream in a cup.
xo
YAY! I knew if I kept commenting it would force you out of retirement. Thanks for the new post. I was beginning to feel like a stalker. Which I know you LOVE.
Mads is the best prop ever, though I have to limit her use to every other post (per child labor law). Perhaps you could borrow your nephew?
As for the cones, I think I may try UM’s suggestion. I considered buying a home soft serve machine, but I think the cost-benefit ratio’s a bit skewed.
I could’ve done with some of that stain remover. I got oil stains on one of my work shirts & it was so badly stained & chucked it away.
As an icecreamaholic I can understand your disgust with the Joy Cones. Can’t you fill them with a teaspoon & just eat twice as many. I can’t believe your uck in finding icecream cones so small that they give you a great blogging subject.
If you are interested in AC I will email you the info. If you publish before 5/31 you are entered to win an Apple iPad. And if you say I referred you, I am too! Win-win! I think you’d do really well on there, actually.
Yes,thats me.I hate small amonts of sweets.
What can I say, Tony? I am just lucky like that. 😉
Trace, got all the info you sent. Thanks so much! PS: I know we’d BOTH love to win an iPad!! Perhaps some of that luck will rub off here?
Maddie, thanks for all the comments! I would respond to them individually, but as I have your laundry to do, and the dishes, and … I will just say No, You did not fart on video (as if) and yes, the piggies looked weird all bag balmed up – but they looked way worse all scabby. The kitchen came out great and I am so glad you think the house looks beautiful. I agree, I felt sorry for that poor mouse. I cannot imagine what compelled him to jump into the toilet. I hope you have a great day today at school. I am looking forward to our adventure tomorrow. I LOVE YOU! xoxo Mommy.
Christy my dear, I have one word for you and those tiny little ice cream cones. EBAY! miss you,
HAH! I miss you babe – hope the fam is settling in well. CONGRATS on selling the house!! xoxo
The cone box did try to tell you they were pictured in actual size. Who reads the details? Pish!
Those cones are good for those of us on diets who still want to eat ice cream.
Oh, and thanks for the heads-up on the stain remover. Not that I EVER need one!
Normally I am quite a student of labels, but seriously – CONES? Who’d have thought you’d get the mickey on a bunch of ice cream cones??
Very good point about dieting. Those cones may put you off ice cream altogether.
PS: You must be a very neat eater. A+
This is one of the funniest things I have read this week! I don’t know why but it just got me so tickled and I laughed so hard that my eyes started watering. Seriously. My 3 year old was looking at me like I was nuts.
Glad to make you laugh Jennifer – always does me wonders! And I am sure your 3 y.o. loves you all the more for it too!
LOL! Ice cream cones for the Lolly Pop Guild! WTF? Only at Walmart!
And cheez wiz to remove a stain??? puzzling!
Glad to have found your blog – love it!
Yeah, seriously! Thanks for stopping by 3LLiquor — love yer blog too!!
I find it hard to believe that a seemingly intelligent person like yourself would call down shame on an AMERICAN company (Joy Cone) for what you call a “terrible trick.” Do my eyes deceive me, or are you holding a box that clearly states the number “60” and also clearly states “Actual Size” below a photo of the cones inside the box? How is that trickery? Joy Cone didn’t fool you, you made a fool of yourself! Mock Walmart all you want; they sell lots of inferior merchandise that isn’t made in America. But don’t belittle a solid American company like Joy Cone that has been making quality cones using American citizens operating American built machines since way before you were born! I live in Mercer County, Pennsylvania, where Joy Cone is located and know many of the people who make the cones. My wife worked there for years. It really galls me when people like you shoot of their mouths (or blogs) when they can’t even see that they are totally wrong about what they’re saying. I spent plenty of time thinking about my reply, and it comes down to this: Shame on YOU!
Ron,
First of all. Thank you for making my day. Being the recipient of such an emotional response (as evidenced above) is truly flattering.
As for your comment. Yes, I was a fool. A fool for thinking I could waltz into Walmart, pick up a box of ice cream cones, bring them home and get a product I was expecting. Shame on me! Next time (if there is indeed a next time) I will double or triple check that box. As this experience has taught me, you cannot be too careful when it comes to ice cream cones.
Joy Cone is a good American company, but they are manufacturing a faulty, useless product and should be held accountable for their deception. These tiny cones are a dud. TRUE, I was the fool who bought them. Score one for Joy Cone. But an American company should have more sense. Why are they producing cones the size of my thumb that cannot be used? Their standard size cones are fine. Why not stick to those? The tiny ones I purchased were the WORST ICE CREAM CONES EVER. Apart from their “cutesy size” which I admit is a bit of a novelty, what is the point? No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get them to work. A tablespoon of ice cream shattered them to bits. And you know what? Like any defective product, I have the right to complain. If I bought light bulbs that didn’t light, or dishwashing soap that didn’t sud, or a coat that unraveled when I put it on, should I just keep my trap shut and NOT SPEAK UP?!
NO! Because I am an American. I have the freedom to speak my mind and call out any company that sells a less-than-stellar product. Whether anyone listens is their choice. But if I’ve saved one other hard-working American from shelling out their hard-earned money for a defective product, then I have done my job. And for that, I am not ashamed.