Philadelphia

An all-too-short weekend.

~ thedailydish ~ 10 Comments

Hope you all had a fun & relaxing weekend.

Me, I got spoiled. On Saturday my husband took the ladies to a friend’s birthday party, leaving me with 3 hours of complete freedom. WOW. I walked into town. I stopped for a chocolate croissant at a little cafe – all by MYSELF. I went clothes shopping at H&M. I cannot tell you how nice it was being able to try on as many clothes as I liked – so many in fact, that I lost track – with no children beating on each other, pestering me about how bored they are or grabbing my behind. I’d almost forgotten what it was like. And it was AWESOME.

Sunday, a beloved & very brave friend took the ladies to the Camden Aquarium, leaving John & I free to go walking with our dog Max, who absolutely LIVES for these rare jaunts as only child.. We explored a local nature refuge, spending a lot of time off the beaten path.

Back in the day this land used to be a whole town. Streets with shops and homes, and people. Before the Philadelphia redevelopment authority confiscated the land and razed it all to the ground to make way for airport (and Korman Suites) expansion. A very sad story, especially since this area, known as The Meadows, was long home to my husband’s family. The whole place is very surreal. Open fireplugs sprout from the ground like metal flowers, and the ground is littered with half-buried construction debris, tires, empty beer cans and other trash. The oddest thing is how many lifeless shoes we found dotting the landscape. Dozens of them. What could have compelled all these people to not only remove, but LEAVE, their shoes like this?? I half-imagined we’d turn a corner and find a big mound of corpses. It’s a very strange place. Feel free to check out a few photos HERE.

And now it’s MONDAY. again. Back to the workweek. I tend to get a little depressed on Mondays. But sometimes I enjoy feeling maudlin, so I’ve been watching the old Boomtown Rats song on Youtube and sort of reveling in it. Another weekend gone. Oh well.

The way you drive speaks VOLUMES.

~ thedailydish ~ 10 Comments

As much as I wish it were otherwise, I spend a good portion of each day driving. My older daughter to or from school. Running errands. Going to the post office, the library, the grocery store. What have you. And living in the middle of a big city, all this driving inevitably causes a whole lotta STRESS. Some nincompoop cuts me off without any semblance of turn signal. Another jackass sidesteps the WHOLE LANE OF TRAFFIC to speed past us in the BIKE LANE. Another guy just can’t wait for the light – or by the way, the elderly man CROSSING THE STREET. Frankly, some of these folks should not only have their licenses revoked, they should be pulled bodily from their cars and beaten senseless.

I curse frequently while driving. I hate doing this, since I pretty much always have one or more children in the car with me. We have actually had discussions about “mommy’s language” – how un-lady-like it is, and how it should not be repeated in public. I am glad my kids are bright, b/c other than peppering their day-to-day speech with an above average use of the word “Crap” they have heretofore suffered no other ill effects of my potty mouth.

I am a cautious driver. This stems from several things. 1) I value my children’s safety above all else and will not jeopardize it to get to [WHEREVER] ten minutes earlier. 2) I value YOUR CHILDREN’S SAFETY as much as I do my own. 3) I like people and do not want to hurt them.

B/c of this, I stop at stop signs. And when I say I stop, I mean I am probably the only damn driver in West Philly who comes to a physical halt-machen at the intersection. I stop. I look both ways. I make sure there are no bicyclists approaching. If there are, I wave them through. I do not give a shit if some psychopath behind me cannot wait 20 seconds for me to do this w/out their face turning purple. F*CK THEM. They will be the one going to jail for manslaughter, not me.

Driving here in Philly is bad b/c 1) there are inexplicable intersection nightmares, such as 30th & Market. WHERE ARE THE TRAFFIC ENGINEERS?? Green lights get traffic moving, especially onto the highway. MAKE THEM LONGER & MAKE THEM CONSISTENTLY GREEN ALL THE WAY ALONG. As it is now, the gridlock has traffic tangled in both directions from JFK all the way to the Walnut Street Bridge. If I had to deal w/ this every single rush hour I would GO INSANE.

2) Obeying the law is optional. And I am not exaggerating. The “roll-through” has been elevated to an art-form here in Philly. People speed. They swerve. They cut. They do not wait their turn. They do not like letting people in – unless you are attractive. And as everyone knows we’re all just a bunch of fat ugly slobs, you can imagine what this leads to. The cops do not enforce 99.9% of the traffic laws b/c they are too busy trying to keep us from killing each other.

3) Philadelphians are selfish like few others. Not all of us, mind you, but a whole whopping percentage of the population. Enough to make you think twice about trying to cross that street. When I was pregnant with my first child I used to walk home every day from work. 4 miles. from City Hall to West Philly. I was nearly hit more times than even I care to repeat. AND WHY? B/c most people suck. If they aren’t stopping for a full-term pregnant woman, you sure as hell know they AIN’T STOPPING FOR NO ONE.

4) Lastly, I would hazard a guess that upwards of 35% of Philadelphians drive illegally. And by this I mean w/out a license, registration, insurance – or all of the above. Sometimes in a stolen car. What do they care if they hit you or your car? It’s not their money. They are willing to take the chance b/c here in Philly at least, there’s no reason not to.

The way you drive speaks VOLUMES about you as a person. It accurately communicates your level of compassion and humanity better than almost anything. For instance, one of our neighbors is a very nice person, a deeply religious man, a hardworking husband and father, and yet, just last week, he nearly RAN MY HUSBAND OVER at the end of our block when John was riding his bike. WHY? B/c he didn’t recognize John and was interested in speeding up and cutting off that guy on a bike. People feel a sense of entitlement behind the wheel of their car which verges on sickness, and they behave in ways they’d NEVER otherwise would b/c of it. They feel protected in that cocoon. It’s like Jekyll & Hyde. For others, driving simply unleashes the INNER NATURE. Are you a control freak? Fast lane doing 55. Are you completely self-absorbed? Yakking into your cellphone, making a left turn from the right lane. The list goes on.

A car may be classy, but it’s only a car. The model you drive may communicate your taste or your circumstance, but it often has little to do w/ your true level of class. B/c THAT cannot be bought. Rich, poor, it all boils down to one thing. You can’t polish a piece of poop.

Star Wars: The Exhibit

~ thedailydish ~ 2 Comments

We went to see the new Star Wars exhibit at the Franklin Institute this week. It was a treat from a friend, who (being the certified smartypants she is) bought a membership online and got SIX TICKETS FREE. WOW. Buy online membership. Save money. Get free tix to boot. Listen up, Philadelphia.

The exhibit was very interesting, not that I got to see much of it. Besides the fact that my two daughters were yanking me through at warp-speed, the place was MOBBED. And I am not exaggerating. It was like trying to get at the Hope Diamond for Sci-Fi fans. Imagine a universe populated solely with pubescent males wearing themed t-shirts. Then expand that by 13, and add in every single one of their parents and siblings. Plus stragglers.

The tickets were timed. When we got there we had to wait in a reeeaaally loooooong line to even get in, then BAM! all of a sudden we’re in, but so is everyone else. All of the stuff in cases, you know the Props, etc. – EVERYTHING YOU CAME TO SEE, you could barely even get to b/c everyone was taking turns standing next to [whatever it is] and snapping photos. Darth Vadar’s costume. The Yoda puppet. Chewbacca. And my personal fav – Han Solo’s costume. Couldn’t even get to see that up close. It looked smaller than I had imagined, Or maybe it was b/c I was STANDING ACROSS THE ROOM.

Meanwhile, my younger daughter started freaking out at the stuffed abominable snow creature. I had to look up the name just now – it is called a Wampa and looks like this:


Yes it is scary as hell looking.

Anyway, she started bugging out, like it was going to come to life and attack us. It actually made for a slightly welcome diversion, sort of parting the Sea so to speak, and we were finally able to make our way over to the exit. And by exit I of course mean GIFT SHOPPE. B/c in this day & age there is no other way to leave an exhibit. Normally I could care less, but the Star Wars gift shoppe is SO DAMN NARROW it’s barely wide enough to accommodate a wheelchair let alone hoarding masses of sci-fi fans. I felt sincerely bad for those perusing the wares, who seemed to be taking their lives in their hands by stopping to look at the magnets and mugs and numerous dog costumes. At least it seemed that way as we smashed past them like a battalion of stormtroopers.

In summary, the Star Wars exhibit was neat, at least what I could see of it, but I am so glad my friend got those tickets for free. It seems patently unfair to charge $20 bucks a head for an exhibit which should rightfully have 50% fewer visitors at a time and a 50% larger exit to ensure no one gets trampled. If you’re going to check it out, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR and go in the evening when it’s cheaper (like half price) and the crowds have thinned significantly. And if you go, let me know what you think. Just how tall is Harrison Ford anyway?