On Monday, I had to run a bunch of errands.  We have only one car – which my husband now uses to commute for work, so that meant walking 40 minutes into town.  No big deal.  To kill as many birds with 1 stone, I brought along my beloved push-shopping cart.  It looks like this:


Except mine is black. Now, this cart is something I used w/ regularity in Philly.  You see them everywhere and people never give them a second look, ever.

WELL. LET ME TELL YOU FOLKS.  After pushing my trusty black cart into town and back this past Monday, I have deduced that these carts are NOT – I repeat NOT – used here in Portland, except by the homeless.  Rather than treat me like the environmentally conscious, DIY type I’d imagined myself to be:


To the majority of people, I apparently looked more like:


WHAT THE HELL??  For a city that’s supposedly GREEN in oh so many ways, these Portland folks were downright surly towards me & the cart.  Like that a-hole in the main post office.  YEAH B*TCH, I AM TALKING TO YOU, you snooty-faced weasel.  How DARE you SCOWL at me and my cart, looking us up and down, when we turned to smile and say hello to you.  Didn’t your momma ever warn you about your face freezing like that??  You KNOW it’s cold enough here for that to happen.  AND YOU.  YOU SMARMY BALDING GIT, with your ugly suit and greasy hair.  If ONLY you could have read my mind when you gave me that fish-lipped smirk.  OH YES.

It is obvious that some of the uptight jerkwads residing here in Portland have never seen a red-blooded woman pushing her overpriced whole foods groceries home in a folding cart EVER.  I will not comment on the size of their wieners, but I should.  Because the rest of them is SMALL.  It is narrow-minded and childish to treat anyone with contempt, simply for doing what they need to do.  Me and the cart – we are above that.  So the next time we go shopping in town, you uppity lot better WATCH OUT.  I have an airhorn, and I know how to use it.