Two years ago, I found a stack of unused 1980s valentine cards at a thrift shop. Most were silly, stupid and/or downright risque. In short..
In the spirit of fun, I bought the cards and then offered them for free via this blog. Somewhat surprisingly, people responded; a few very enthusiastically. Just before Valentine’s Day 2008, I sat down and wrote out a bunch of cards. Some with personal greetings, some with “secret admirer,” all very sweet. Although I’d never met ANY of these people (or their loved ones), it didn’t seem to matter. I was acting as Cupid, spreading LOVE. In retrospect, I think it was one of the craziest, most memorable Valentine’s stunts any of us ever pulled. Last year (2009), I wanted to play Cupid, but my family & I were in the throes of a big move. This year (2010), I’m Baaaaaack.
Here is the remaining selection. Yes they are memorable. Especially the one w/ the nerdy guy which reads (and I quote): “Because you let me play with your boobs.” No I am not joking.
If you aren’t scared and running would like me to send a valentine to your special someone:
1. Click through the cards above. If any of them speaks to you, call a doctor IMMEDIATELY.
2. Then leave a comment below. I have 35 cards left. You may want to pick a couple just to make sure you get something you like. Or let ME pick for you. Remember. I am a professional! PS: Don’t forget your email!
3. I will contact you directly to make arrangements. If I get 35 responses, EVERYONE WINS! If I get no response, the (poor sad dejected) cards will return to the drawer from whence they came. Till next year.
4. Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.
5. I’ll be taking comments now through February 10th 2010 (or until all cards are claimed). Good luck! xo
Sometimes I think fate is out to make me its mistress. Take this thrift shop find: a whole store’s worth of vintage 80s Valentine cards. I just couldn’t resist. Maybe I could have if they’d been the traditional schmaltz, but most of these cards are suggestive. Who doesn’t like a nice racy card? Pretty hot stuff for 1985. Like this one:
Winky eye + smoke coming out of head = Most magically delicious valentine ever
Could there be anything cooler than whipping out a 1980s Recycled Paper Products, Inc. valentine, seemingly out of thin air? These things don’t just grow on trees (I am speaking figuratively here, b/c yes I DO KNOW THEY USED TO as they are composed of 100% recycled paper* obviously way ahead of their time). But you know what I’m saying. Especially if you lived through the 80s. Of course they were stupid and Hideous then, but it’s 2008, Now they’re RETRO.
Remember that TV show A CURRENT AFFAIR? No, I was not suggesting you’d ever watched it either. But I have a card based on it. Other winners include Boynton and the comic strip Cathy. The rest just suggest SEX.
But the greatness of this find doesn’t stop there. You see, my life is all about LOVE. I love LOVE. I enjoy joy. Valentine’s Day was MADE for people like me!! So now I have this surplus of vintage Valentine’s. AND a compulsive inner drive to make others happy. I’m thinking of starting up my own (one-season) seasonal business and I’m going to call it “Your own PERSONAL CUPID”. After all, just last week I posted a whole whopping list of creative, thoughtful, and CHEAP ideas for Valentine’s Day. because that’s just the kind of loving creative thoughtful and cheap person I am. But this idea goes well beyond all that. Can you imagine how awesome it would be to have a completely anonymous stranger act as your cupid? I can write and speak English (and a little French – oh la la! the language of looove). I can come up with interesting, totally spontaneous greeting card messages like “BABY, oh BABY. I am thinking of you right now. Meet me at the train depot at 6 PM tonight. I’ll be the blonde with the suitcase.” Or, “I WANT YOU. AND I KNOW YOU WANT ME. Guess who?”
GREAT stuff , huh?
What could be more titillating than sending a Secret Admirer valentine to someone you have the hots for?? IT IS GREAT.
Think about it:
- I send your love a card FOR YOU.
- They get it in the mail. Surprise!
- He/she looks at the postmark, thinking who the hell lives in Philadelphia? SURPRISE!
- He/she opens the envelope to find a HOT!HOT! message, signed with YOUR NAME (WHEN DID THEY GO TO PHILLY??) or NONE AT ALL.
- He/she cannot believe it – and WHAT A COOL CARD TO BOOT.
- BEST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER!!