fabulous finds

Your own PERSONAL CUPID

~ thedailydish ~ 1 Comment

Sometimes I think fate is out to make me its mistress. Take this thrift shop find: a whole store’s worth of vintage 80s Valentine cards. I just couldn’t resist. Maybe I could have if they’d been the traditional schmaltz, but most of these cards are suggestive. Who doesn’t like a nice racy card? Pretty hot stuff for 1985. Like this one:


Winky eye + smoke coming out of head = Most magically delicious valentine ever

Could there be anything cooler than whipping out a 1980s Recycled Paper Products, Inc. valentine, seemingly out of thin air? These things don’t just grow on trees (I am speaking figuratively here, b/c yes I DO KNOW THEY USED TO as they are composed of 100% recycled paper* obviously way ahead of their time). But you know what I’m saying. Especially if you lived through the 80s. Of course they were stupid and Hideous then, but it’s 2008, Now they’re RETRO.

Remember that TV show A CURRENT AFFAIR? No, I was not suggesting you’d ever watched it either. But I have a card based on it. Other winners include Boynton and the comic strip Cathy. The rest just suggest SEX.

But the greatness of this find doesn’t stop there. You see, my life is all about LOVE. I love LOVE. I enjoy joy. Valentine’s Day was MADE for people like me!! So now I have this surplus of vintage Valentine’s. AND a compulsive inner drive to make others happy. I’m thinking of starting up my own (one-season) seasonal business and I’m going to call it “Your own PERSONAL CUPID”. After all, just last week I posted a whole whopping list of creative, thoughtful, and CHEAP ideas for Valentine’s Day. because that’s just the kind of loving creative thoughtful and cheap person I am. But this idea goes well beyond all that. Can you imagine how awesome it would be to have a completely anonymous stranger act as your cupid? I can write and speak English (and a little French – oh la la! the language of looove). I can come up with interesting, totally spontaneous greeting card messages like “BABY, oh BABY. I am thinking of you right now. Meet me at the train depot at 6 PM tonight. I’ll be the blonde with the suitcase.” Or, “I WANT YOU. AND I KNOW YOU WANT ME. Guess who?”

GREAT stuff , huh?

What could be more titillating than sending a Secret Admirer valentine to someone you have the hots for?? IT IS GREAT.

Think about it:

  1. I send your love a card FOR YOU.
  2. They get it in the mail. Surprise!
  3. He/she looks at the postmark, thinking who the hell lives in Philadelphia? SURPRISE!
  4. He/she opens the envelope to find a HOT!HOT! message, signed with YOUR NAME (WHEN DID THEY GO TO PHILLY??) or NONE AT ALL.
  5. He/she cannot believe it – and WHAT A COOL CARD TO BOOT.
  6. BEST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER!!

Hey, check out my x-rated animal cracker!

~ thedailydish ~ 8 Comments

Soooo.. last night we’re watching Indiana Jones with the girls. John and I are drinking wine and we’re all enjoying our favorite snack of Berkley and Jensen animal crackers. We’re sitting there, sipping and munching, transfixed by Indy’s thrilling adventure, when I reach my hand into the bowl and – Huh. My cracker feels…weird. Bigger than usual. I pull my eyes away from the movie and look down to find:

Awooga!

Like two dogs at the park, the donkey and (I think) Buffalo are fused together into one great cracker of love.

Mommy, why are you laughing?? [I show them.] My husband loses it. Asks to see the cracker. We leave it on the table and threaten our children not to eat it. After the movie I position it on top of my dresser, tchotchke style. This morning I take its picture.

This cracker leaves me wondering. Was it a mix-up? a manufacturing glitch? Faulty equipment? Are those factory workers at the BJ’s (no-pun-intended) cracker plant just having too much fun? Should I let my kids eat animal crackers unsupervised or are they now considered adults-only snack food? And.. if I ate my special cracker, would it taste different? Questions. Questions…

I guess my biggest question is whether we should try selling it on eBay. I don’t really want to give up my copulating cracker. But who am I to keep it from the world? People bid on all sorts of crazy crap every day – remember that virgin mary grilled cheese? And although that was religious iconography (perhaps slightly loftier than my baked pornography), at least my cookie won’t rot.. And you just know someone’s gonna want to pay good money for animal crackers doing it! It would make a really unique Christmas gift.

Now I can’t stop thinking of titles for the post:

When animals attack!
Animal crackers gone wild
What they’re up to when they’re inside that box
How animal crackers make more animal crackers
Cookies gettin their swerve on
Innocence lost