Hey, check out my x-rated animal cracker!

Soooo.. last night we’re watching Indiana Jones with the girls. John and I are drinking wine and we’re all enjoying our favorite snack of Berkley and Jensen animal crackers. We’re sitting there, sipping and munching, transfixed by Indy’s thrilling adventure, when I reach my hand into the bowl and – Huh. My cracker feels…weird. Bigger than usual. I pull my eyes away from the movie and look down to find:


Like two dogs at the park, the donkey and (I think) Buffalo are fused together into one great cracker of love.

Mommy, why are you laughing?? [I show them.] My husband loses it. Asks to see the cracker. We leave it on the table and threaten our children not to eat it. After the movie I position it on top of my dresser, tchotchke style. This morning I take its picture.

This cracker leaves me wondering. Was it a mix-up? a manufacturing glitch? Faulty equipment? Are those factory workers at the BJ’s (no-pun-intended) cracker plant just having too much fun? Should I let my kids eat animal crackers unsupervised or are they now considered adults-only snack food? And.. if I ate my special cracker, would it taste different? Questions. Questions…

I guess my biggest question is whether we should try selling it on eBay. I don’t really want to give up my copulating cracker. But who am I to keep it from the world? People bid on all sorts of crazy crap every day – remember that virgin mary grilled cheese? And although that was religious iconography (perhaps slightly loftier than my baked pornography), at least my cookie won’t rot.. And you just know someone’s gonna want to pay good money for animal crackers doing it! It would make a really unique Christmas gift.

Now I can’t stop thinking of titles for the post:

When animals attack!
Animal crackers gone wild
What they’re up to when they’re inside that box
How animal crackers make more animal crackers
Cookies gettin their swerve on
Innocence lost

8 thoughts on “Hey, check out my x-rated animal cracker!

  1. baby – you already OWN IT.

    From the email sent by eBay:

    The auction-style listing was removed because it violated the eBay MA Miscategorization policy. Adult material (material that’s not appropriate for people under 18 years old) can be listed in the Mature Audiences category only.

    WOW. Talk about x-rated crackers.

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