Today I am going to address a topic near and dear to my ankles. My feet. Perhaps the most under-appreciated set of appendages on my body. These guys are simply terrific. And deserving of more than a little praise now and again. I don’t know about you, but nothing feels better than having my feet rubbed. Just thinking about it is making me drool. My poor husband would rub them this instant I am sure, but he is hard at work right now, trying to finish up his last paper of his very last semester of graduate school, and that is just a little more important. So for now I will simply massage them with my words.

My feet are not small and dainty like those you see in magazines. No. They are large and skinny and canoe-esque. They are a size 10. That is the biggest “normal” women’s size. I say “normal” in parens b/c I know I will be getting 300 hits on this post and it will surely inspire blood-thirsty debate among foot people, the same way my blonde posts have taken on a life of their own. But I digress. My feet are big. And I for one am glad. My sister is 6 ft. tall and wears a size 8. You can imagine the teetering taking place there. Here, no problem. I am 2 inches shorter and my jumbo feet keep me planted firmly to the ground. Of course, I also got cursed w/ Meniere’s Disease. But I guess the Big Guy knew what he was doing. Giving me the big feet. NOT A SMALL THING when you suffer from Meniere’s Disease. I like being steady. I Love my big feet.

My toes are all long too. They are so long my sister calls them “finger toes.” I do not use my feet as hands, but it is comforting to know I have back-ups. Perhaps (just for fun) I could learn to play the piano w/ them. My second toe is also longer than my first. I have heard this is called Morton’s Toe. I did not know that the Greeks felt this was the coolest, most attractive and ideal thing ever on a foot. Mostly I thought it was a little weird. My mom’s feet look almost exactly identical, except they are 26 years older. It is really cool knowing what my feet will look like in 26 years. She takes really nice care of her feet. Routine pedicures. Tons of nice shoes. BUT – now brace yourselves – she crams them into HIGH HEELS every day for WORK. YOUCH! Those poor feet. I remember when I worked in an office and had to wear pumps every day. SUCKFEST. The foot equivalent of wearing those painted-on pants Olivia Newton John wears in the last scene of Grease, when she & John Travolta are shaking in that carnival ride. ALL SHOW. Except pointier, and more blister inducing.

Since my feet are always there for me, I like to be there for them. And since I am home full-time, I no longer wear high heels w/ regularity. Me & the feet like comfy shoes. In the summer I favor Birkenstocks. YES I know people call them Jesus sandals. But if they were good enough for JESUS, you can damn well bet they’re good enough for me. I also love Converse all stars. They are simply the best sneakers ever made. I guess you could say I really go for flat shoes. The flatter the better. At 5 ft 10 — more heel and I am towering above the population like an Amazon woman. Which is actually kind of fun. But not for long, since those high heels make my big feet ACHE. In winter I wear my Ugg boots. I have 3 pairs and they all look like crap. They are so beaten up. But there simply is no greater boot. Why no one thought of bringing these to my attention 20 yrs ago, I will never know. My feet get crazy cold in winter. No matter what I do, they feel like two ice slabs at the bottom of a lake. BUT NOT IN MY UGGS! AHHH, toasty.

I never ever EVERRRRR paint my fingernails. Well, okay – on occasion, but hardly ever. But I always like keeping my toenails bright and shiny w/ polish. Two days ago I gave them a nice paint job. Two coats of 10-day chip resistant splendor in #49 Steady Ready pink. Why anyone would call a rose-colored hue Steady Ready I do not know, but I like it. It gives me an added layer of protection and cuteness when my toes are wearing it. I like to be Steady, and now I am Ready. Thank you Sally Hanson, wherever you are.

So let’s give these unsung heroes their due. We all praise the heck out of marathon runners, nurses, teachers, lunch ladies, dog walkers, postal carriers, and everyone else who is on their feet all day. OH WAIT – We DON’T?? WELL THEN. Let’s give it up for them too. ALL those people on their feet everyday, working hard to make each of our lives better. And ALL THOSE HARDWORKING FEET! Where would we be w/out them?