JUST SAY NO! to BRATZ

For this week’s JUST SAY NO!, I would like to address a commonplace children’s toy which irks me beyond measure.

For those of you w/out daughters or who are otherwise happily living in oblivion, BRATZ are the scourge of wholesome mothers everywhere. These plastic pint-sized dolls, a little like Barbie but even less cerebral, are the certified tramps of the toy aisle. All sass, no class. These “little girl” dolls wear more makeup and less clothing than many of the hookers regularly using my block as a meet-up.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no big fan of ANY of these sexed-up trollop dolls sold to little girls as fantasy material. But at least Mattel’s Baby Doctor Barbie looks vaguely realistic, wearing scrubs instead of a go-go dress.

Behold Cloe (Like CHLOE but w/out the confusing H), one of the Bratz clique.

You can see that Cloe is all dolled up and ready to go, hanging out w/ her cat. I also am an animal lover, so you might think I would like sweet little Cloe and want to buy her for my daughters. But I am not sure about Cloe’s outfit, which brings to mind transvestite street walker – or (let’s not mince words) CHEAP WHORE. I think if I came out of the house in this get-up to feed my cats, my neighbors would stand open-mouthed in shock, wondering whether I’d lost my mind.

It’s great to have your own sense of style. Go crazy. But when you’re spackling on makeup like Bozo the clown and sporting a sequined dress a size too small for a toddler, let’s face facts. You look bad. Not sexy. Not alluring. Just plain floozy. That’s not good. No one should aspire to look like a stripper. Even classy strippers don’t like looking that way. Neither should you. And you reaallllllllllyy reeeaaaaaallllllllllllllyyy shouldn’t be promoting this kind of thing to your minor children. Handing them a BRATZ doll is as good as saying HEY PUMPKIN, SHAKE IT.

We need to inspire our future women to be leaders, to be intelligent and scholarly, creative, inspiring. NOT JUST SULTRY. SURE, you can be sexy. There are PLENTY of attractive, vivacious executives, artists, business tycoons. They have brains AND beauty. The two are not mutually exclusive. Some of these women are also other things. Like Humble. Decent. Modest. Virtues I hope to inculcate in my daughters – things I do NOT SEE IN THE BRATZ CLAN.

It’s the presumptive attitude of entitlement put forth in Bratz that makes me want to retch. The Diva Mentality.  Women do not need to flaunt themselves to be fulfilled. They do not need to be eye candy to Be Someone. When we set this sort of example for our girls, they come to believe that the sexualization of children is not just normal, but indeed acceptable. Much like the Ass Shorts I spoke about recently, these dolls are just plain WRONG.

Makeup is fine. Clothes are great. But our daughters need some real role models. Marie Curie. Mother Theresa. J.K. Rowling. Feed the minds of future women. Inspire them to have substance. Aspire to greatness yourself.

JUST SAY NO! to Bratz.

JUST SAY NO! Part 2.

Last week marked the inaugural debut of a new column here on The Daily Dish called JUST SAY NO!.

JUST SAY NO! is intended to help women (and future women) make better choices for themselves by JUST SAYING NO! to something I have deemed 100% truly awful.

For the Second installment of JUST SAY NO!, I would like to talk about this article. For those who have not heard of this brand new phenomenon, the article is about (prepare yourselves) … A MAN Having a Baby.

WOW. Pregnancy. Once thought to be the exclusive realm of females planet-wide – now being co-opted by none other than… a Man.

My knee-jerk reaction, in order:

HOLY SH*T!!!!
and HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES. Definitely something we did not discuss in 8th, 10th nor indeed 12th grade health class. This is something I had never, frankly, even thought about EVER. Except in jokes. But now, folks, it is reality. A bearded man is now indeed pregnant. And I for one am (in semi-equal parts) THRILLED!!!! as well as NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. AT ALL.

Men. FINALLLLLLLLLY will be PAYING THEIR DUES.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

No more knocking us up and then hitting the road. SAY SO LONG fellas to cheap tawdry flings. B/c Now you MIGHT JUST HAVE TO PAY. And I ain’t talking about paternity. Yup. Time to break out those pouchy pants, and say hello to stretch marks. Get ready for MOOD SWING CENTRAL, Boys! It’s all about YOU now!!! WOOHOO!

Men. I love them. My dad is great. My husband is MARRRRVELOUS. But. BUT.

BUT WHATTHEHELL??? Men already get a whole heaping helping of perks. They get better pay than us. They get better jobs than us. As Hillary will tell you, The whole world is geared and run by MEN as a sexist elite-est paradise.. Right?

SO. We WOMEN used to have ONE THING WE COULD DO THAT MEN COULDN’T. WE could have babies. WE were the REASON we were all around. RIGHT> Right! If it weren’t for us women, the whole human race would just drop dead, never to be repopulated. Those men. What can they do, really???

Except NOW.

EXCEPT that if you read the fine print, you will find this Man is reaaaaaaaaallllllllyyyy deep down inside, a Woman. With woman parts. You know. A uterus. Fallopian tubes. Vagina. Hmmm.

So. Is this really a MAN having a baby??

If the definition of female is:

1. a person bearing two X chromosomes in the cell nuclei and normally having a vagina, a uterus and ovaries, and developing at puberty a relatively rounded body and enlarged breasts, and retaining a beardless face; a girl or woman.
2. an organism of the sex or sexual phase that normally produces egg cells.

wouldn’t this MAN still technically be a woman? Really? Even though he/she has a beard and no breasts??

I am confused. But apparently I am not the only one.

So, for now, I am JUST SAYING NO! To Men Having Babies. Just b/c.

JUST SAY NO!

I am taking a stand. For myself. My daughters. For the future of girls everywhere, who will one day grow up to be women. And for grown-up women who have only the sense of small girls. I have decided to start a column here on The Daily Dish called JUST SAY NO! This semi-regular post will inspire women to be the best they can by JUST SAYING NO! to something I have deemed 100% truly awful.

So w/out further ado, Today, Ladies, let’s JUST SAY NO! to Ass Shorts.

If you live in the US then you have seen these shorts somewhere. At the beach, at the mall, at the gym. Who knows. Depending on where you live, maybe even at church. Butt shorts, booty shorts, whatever you want to call them. Those elastic-waist gym shorts w/some sort of logo or catch phrase splashed across the butt. Things like CHEERLEADER or FOXY or U WISH. HELP ME. CALL 911. or UNDERAGE.

I do not think it’s cool to encourage strangers to read my ass. And I reaaally reeeeaaaaaaaallllly don’t think it’s cool to invite unknown callers to check out those of my daughters. And by NOT COOL, I of course mean anyone who does should have their eyeballs ripped from their sockets with a rusty fork and then set on fire.

I have, however, seen young girls wearing these ass shorts. I can’t say how old they were, but if you are using a binky (pacifier) then you are pretty honkin young. MOTHERS OUT THERE. If you are allowing your minor child to wear ass shorts, you my friend are not only asking for trouble, you are indeed DEMANDING IT. You would not encourage (I would hope) any ne’er do wells to come fondle your child. Then why give them an excuse to eyeball their butt?? HEL-LOO?? I don’t care how old your daughter is, she shouldn’t be wearing ass shorts. It is BAAAAAAAAAAAD. Shame on you.

It’s great to have your own personal style. It’s great to be cute, or sassy, or both. But it’s hard to be taken seriously by the world when your ass SCREAMS HEY!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE. I like to SWIM. or play FIELD HOCKEY. I HEART HORSES. Whatever. Tell the world how great you are w/out letting your fanny speak volumes.

So, in conclusion, let’s get a grip ladies. Do yourselves (and the rest of us) a favor, and toss those ass shorts like yesterday’s garbage. GRR-8!!!

Tune in next week for the second brilliant installment of JUST SAY NO! Till then, Remember to JUST SAY NO! to Ass Shorts.