I am taking a stand. For myself. My daughters. For the future of girls everywhere, who will one day grow up to be women. And for grown-up women who have only the sense of small girls. I have decided to start a column here on The Daily Dish called JUST SAY NO! This semi-regular post will inspire women to be the best they can by JUST SAYING NO! to something I have deemed 100% truly awful.

So w/out further ado, Today, Ladies, let’s JUST SAY NO! to Ass Shorts.

If you live in the US then you have seen these shorts somewhere. At the beach, at the mall, at the gym. Who knows. Depending on where you live, maybe even at church. Butt shorts, booty shorts, whatever you want to call them. Those elastic-waist gym shorts w/some sort of logo or catch phrase splashed across the butt. Things like CHEERLEADER or FOXY or U WISH. HELP ME. CALL 911. or UNDERAGE.

I do not think it’s cool to encourage strangers to read my ass. And I reaaally reeeeaaaaaaaallllly don’t think it’s cool to invite unknown callers to check out those of my daughters. And by NOT COOL, I of course mean anyone who does should have their eyeballs ripped from their sockets with a rusty fork and then set on fire.

I have, however, seen young girls wearing these ass shorts. I can’t say how old they were, but if you are using a binky (pacifier) then you are pretty honkin young. MOTHERS OUT THERE. If you are allowing your minor child to wear ass shorts, you my friend are not only asking for trouble, you are indeed DEMANDING IT. You would not encourage (I would hope) any ne’er do wells to come fondle your child. Then why give them an excuse to eyeball their butt?? HEL-LOO?? I don’t care how old your daughter is, she shouldn’t be wearing ass shorts. It is BAAAAAAAAAAAD. Shame on you.

It’s great to have your own personal style. It’s great to be cute, or sassy, or both. But it’s hard to be taken seriously by the world when your ass SCREAMS HEY!!! LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE. I like to SWIM. or play FIELD HOCKEY. I HEART HORSES. Whatever. Tell the world how great you are w/out letting your fanny speak volumes.

So, in conclusion, let’s get a grip ladies. Do yourselves (and the rest of us) a favor, and toss those ass shorts like yesterday’s garbage. GRR-8!!!

Tune in next week for the second brilliant installment of JUST SAY NO! Till then, Remember to JUST SAY NO! to Ass Shorts.

12 thoughts on “JUST SAY NO!

  1. first my ass shorts..next you’ll be after my halter tops. you’re such a hardass. hahahah

    i had this conversation with my brother-in-law a few years ago. we were walking around disney (disney! for godsakes!) and some pre-teen was wearing ass shorts with some inane sentiment scrawled on the butt. c. and i were like, “oh no she didn’t!” lol. scary.

  2. I’m with you here, Dishy. If you wanna wear ass shorts, keep your ass home. There’s a place for everything and ass shorts don’t belong in public. Truth be told I feel that way about a lot of the “barely there” fashions being flaunted in public now days. Granted the guy in me has to look, but the realistic adult in me JUST SAYS NO! 😉 Great post, keep ’em coming. 🙂

  3. “And by NOT COOL, I of course mean anyone who does should have their eyeballs ripped from their sockets with a rusty fork and then set on fire.”

    Good mama!!

    P.S. I am SOOOOOOOOO happy you are back. I was starting to get worried. 🙂

  4. I agree no ho on the go clothes! Who exactly thinks ass shorts are cute? It’s kinda like looking at a train wreck, you’re repulsed but can’t look away!

  5. I can’t stand those jogger bottom things with ‘Juicy’ wrote on the bum cheek area! Not good… fashion huh? Thanks the lord I know very little about it. I think the least we give possible/potential pervs to read on our bums, the better.
    Really annoyed that the package hasn’t arrived… kind of took the shine off my little surprise for you… Royal Mail? Royal my… ;o)

  6. I totally agree with you! I raised boys, but I told them if they wore their pants down low with their rears hanging out, I would assume they wanted a spanking. My nieces saw a teen walking by like that one day and yelled, “If you want the girls to stop and stare, cover up those ugly underwear!” And for the girls, it is downright dangerous for them to advertise on their rears, not to mention not fair to the boys like mine who try to maintain pure thoughts in this day and age.

  7. I agree with you. But… we really have some serious double standards here in this country. If you don’t want your teenager girls to act like sluts (which they are these days). You must focus on the real culprits! That’s the media and zero family values! Too much crap on MTV, too much crap in the videos. Nobody wants to go to church anymore or say the pledge or allegiance. Instead of educating those from the ghetto, we’re allowing their trashy behaviors to infiltrate our children through the media. Rap as music and art is fine, but all the sexual and violent lyrics have to go. We have free speech in this country, but we should have laws against profanity and lude sexual content. I’d like to keep my kids pure as long as I can!

  8. One more person in this world that can’t cope with reality. Does it really matter if something is written or not on the ass of a bikini? Every guy is looking at ass on the beach, at the mall or wherever beautiful women are passing buy. People in the USA have freedoms and that’s what makes America, AMERICA. Everyone is anti this or anti that. Anti-drinking, anti-smoking, anti-gay, anti-Christ, anti-guns, anti-war, anti-porn, yet all of these things and more exist in great abundance. So go on your little just say no campaign. I’m certain that your contribution to society will be very minuscule.

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