The 7 Fabulous New Features Netflix REALLY Needs To Add

Dear Netflix,

I am writing to say THANK YOU.  Being able to watch thousands of movies at the mere touch of a button, in the safety, warmth, and convenience of home (or anywhere) is nothing short of magical.  You make my life, and the lives of countless millions, so much better.  As a gesture of true friendship, I’d like to offer some suggestions as to how you can improve.  My husband, an IT guy, has vetted the feasibility of each of the features below, and assures me they are do-able.  So please consider implementing them.  They’re your DESTINY.

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FIDO.

I just have a second to post. Today is CSA delivery and as site host I spend half the day outside. WHICH I LOVE! BUT I HAVE to tell you all about the craziest movie we watched last night. It is called Fido, and I just knew I had to rent it when I saw a zombie face on the front of the box and big review letters proclaiming it “HYSTERICALLY FUNNY!” All I could think was HOOORAY!!! Another Shaun of the Dead. Which it is not. BUT it is just as clever a concept. The basic gist is this. The movie is set in the 1950s w/ all the requisite kitsch. Radioactive fallout has raised an army of the undead who terrorized the planet until (DUN-DA_DA!) ZOMCON Incorporated under the watchful eye of their scientist founder discovered a means by which humans could control (aka tame) the zombies. The “living” zombies all wear metal collars around their necks which magically render them completely docile. Subsequently, the humans now harness these zombies as slave labor. So you have zombie butlers, zombie gardeners, milkmen, paperboys, etc. Everyone tries to keep up w/ the Jones by having more zombie help than the next guy. W/out telling you every nuance of the film, the story follows this one lonely little boy who becomes best friends w/ his “pet” zombie, Fido. It was a thoroughly engaging and entertaining film – And good zombie comedy is hard to come by! We got it at Blockbuster, which surely means they have it everywhere. Go rent it today!

I AM LEGEND

We saw I Am Legend yesterday. Friday night and the theater was super busy. Tons of activity in the lobby and bar, people having a great time.

Unfortunately tons of activity in the actual theater too. The thumping bass coming from the bar next door echoed like a heartbeat throughout the film. Cell phones going off, people having full-out conversations to the left and right, not to mention the running commentary. The two guys in front of us – it was like living inside their minds. Audible comments can be great. Like when I saw Deuce Bigalow in the theater (YES I SAW DEUCE BIGALOW IN THE THEATER), and Deuce’s dad is plunging out a stopped-up toilet and turns around to accept a little birthday cake from Deuce’s girlfriend, when someone in the audience yelled out, “Hey look! There’s Sh*t on his shirt!” And the whole theater burst out laughing. But talking throughout the whole damn film, letting me know every thought in your head is ANNOYING. And I do have to say, the movie choice should be taken into consideration when deciding whether it’s appropriate to bring young children. I Am Legend is not a kid friendly film. It is terrifying.

THIS is why I don’t go to the theater unless I really really want to see something bad. And although I think Will Smith is great, I didn’t even want to see this. I HATE SCARY MOVIES. I do not watch them, I do not enjoy them. It is a painful experience for me. So, last night, I went for my husband. He just finished the book and has been itching to see it since its release. Having seen the Vincent Price remake of the short story before (Last Man on Earth), I had some idea of what to expect. I knew it would be scary. What I didn’t realize is 1) how different the story would be from the original, and 2) How frightening and disheartening it would actually be. Don’t get me wrong, I Am Legend is a GOOD MOVIE. VERY GOOD. The effects are amazing. Will Smith’s acting is extraordinary. If you like dystopian tales involving the half-dead, abject suffering and painful almost palpable loneliness and despair, then this one’s for you! But if not, don’t do it to yourself. Or save it for DVD, so you can turn it off when you’ve had enough and leave the room. I was traumatized by this movie. I kept my eyes shut or my hands over my face for half the film. The rest of the time I was just sad.

General miscellany

So, last night – not surprisingly – we (more like me) watched another movie. Prime with Uma Thurman. I was surprised by how much I liked it – but then again, the story did revolve around a 37 year old woman linking up with a painter 14 years her junior. So.. yep really not much to interest my husband there. But we did have a good laugh about the whole age-difference thing. He is a year older than me – which works just perfectly 🙂 But if we got divorced and I decided to pull an Uma Thurman style coup, at 35 my new boyfriend would be 21!! Virile young stud.  JOKING!!

ANYWAY, I am getting excited for the weekend, because contrary to my movie-watching habits we actually do have plans. Woohoo!

Movies out the wazooo

I’ve watched 9 movies in the past 9 days. [HELP ME!]

  1. About Schmidt – Jack Nicholson was brilliant. Looked him up on IMDB; cannot believe he’s 70 years old.
  2. Rushmore. BEST WRITER/DIRECTOR EVER!!! If Wes Anderson made perfume I think I’d love it.
  3. Duets – I know it was directed by her dad, but I have only one word for this movie: terrible.
  4. Possession – yes I had a Gwyneth Paltrow marathon two nights in a row. This one was much better than the last. Not great, but watchable. I don’t know if it was just predictable or what, but the whole time I kept saying Have I seen this already??
  5. Wild Women of Wongo. We bought a 50 movie Sci-Fi DVD set and this one was too funny to resist. The Tubes wrote a song about it for all you 80s fans.
  6. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (another one from the above set – I fell asleep but my older daughter liked it so much she watched it three times)
  7. Bee Movie – we took the girls to see this one yesterday. (Great job Barry Jerry!)
  8. The Chorus. An amazing, uplifting, totally engaging film.
  9. The Anniversary Party – I rented this one b/c I love Parker Posey, but her character in the film is lame. Still a good watch, made me glad I don’t live in LA and have nothing to do with acting and the film industry. Really disliked the male lead and his hair up in little pony tales made me squeemish. Kevin Kline was great.

The Darjeeling Limited, part II

I didn’t have a hope of getting tickets to the opening Q&A of Darjeeling Limited, though I posted about it all the same. But last night I actually did see the movie, in the 2nd row of a packed house. In order to fight off the disorientation caused by sitting almost directly beneath the enormous screen, I had to slump way down in the seat and rest my neck against the top of the chair. It made the movie slightly more of a physical experience, as my chest kept cramping and I had to keep crossing and uncrossing my legs to maintain circulation.

The movie itself was a feast, with all of the token Wes Anderson visual detail of The Royal Tenenbaums & Life Aquatic. India played a beautiful backdrop to the action, the dazzling colors of the clothing and shrines, the crazy little taxis and of course the pharmaceuticals. The way the multi-piece luggage set seemed to embody its own character was also notable. But my very favorite part of the movie was the tragedy at the river, which transformed a superficial spiritual journey into something real. It was poignant, surprising, and painfully lovely – and conveyed an authenticity unmatched by the rest of the stylized film. Khan’s honest depiction of a father’s devastation following the loss of his son, and Brody’s portrayal of regret at not having been able to save the boy, were exemplary.