I had a pretty busy weekend. Besides reuniting with a jailbird relative and crossing the picket line at Toys R Us, I also spent a chunk of time filling out Valentines in my role as your own personal cupid!! And let me tell you, it was fun. So much better than coming out of the thrift shoppe Friday to find someone had keyed the crap out of my car. I never anticipated playing Cupid could be quite so engaging, quite so diverting, but it’s been all that and more. And I think I have a knack for this love stuff. It’s not so hard once you get going. Love up one person, then the next guy’s not so hard. It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill. And by the time I reached the bottom of the mountain, I felt tingly all over.
Personalizing cards for people all over the country is a very rewarding task. Much like helping a blind person across the street, which I have also done and found quite nice. There aren’t many things you can do for someone quite so personal as sending their loved one a valentine. Because not only does it require steady nerves and a heart full of romance, but it also entails TRUST. And I am so happy that you all trusted Me to love up your Loved One for You! That shows a level of selflessness not displayed in many, other than swingers. And you should all be congratulated on your openness. Congratulations!
And as you’ve put me in this very special position, I just want to say I have done my best. Like writing “Let’s ————!” in my nicest most come-hither handwriting. I’ve tried my utmost to fulfill your expectations in each and every way when it came to these cards. I know you did not pay me anything for the card itself, or my time, or the postage either, but that’s not the point, is it? If I expected payment for love, would I not be selling myself short? Well perhaps legally it is called prostitution, but humanly it is just called sad. I do not need payment for love. And neither do YOU.
So from the very bottom of my being, I want to wish each and every one of you a very Happy Valentine’s Day! And since I am from Philly, I will say it in Philadelphian too: Happy V-Day, YO! Hope you like the cards! And I also hope that the US Postal Service delivers them on time. And to the right address, as I have had issues with that. But you all live someplace else, and that probably makes all the difference.