My kids are home sick. YEP. Both of them. Home. WITH ME. Allllllll daaaaayy looooong. Of course they’re not sick enough to stop fighting or asking to go to the playground. This morning they were plenty well enough to fly out the door to the front porch and start digging in their beloved dirt bowls. When I suggested they put their clothes on and return to school, they of course started coughing and immediately came back inside. Now they are wrestling on the couch and making mouse houses in the living room. Mouse Houses is code language for tents made out of blankets and sofa cushions. They like to hang out in there, watching movies on the laptop. One of the tents is the “library” where they rent the movies. The other is the theater. As long as they’re not beating the hell out of each other, fine by me.
SO. Day Two of Sick Fest. TWO DAYS. If that isn’t enough to make you reach for the theraflu, nothing is. Unfortunately I hate that stuff. HATE IT. Unless it says 100 proof w/ a skull and crossbones on the label, then it’s just wasting my time. But yesterday. I had to do something. By 10 am the ladies – sick or not – were going fisticuffs, my throat felt like hamburger and my sanity was waning. I resorted to the only homeopathic treatment available. Tea w/ honey? A steamy hot bath? NO. 2 pepsi throwbacks and hope for the best. Fortunately I fell asleep. Unfortunately, I feel asleep face down into the pillow with the bird on my head. By mid-afternoon when I awoke, the duvet cover was unmentionable and I will not comment on the state of my hair. From now on I’m sticking to alcohol.
I spent the remainder of yesterday finishing a wonderful book (THE HUNGRY OCEAN by Linda Greenlaw) and browsing the AS SEEN ON TV website. The former was excellent, the latter not so much. But both were remarkably entertaining. Just look at some of what I found.
I have no idea why that image IS SOOOOOO DARN LONG EITHER!!!! BUT if that dog isn’t thinking JUST YOU WAIT, BUDDY I don’t know what’s what. And I’d be pissed too! if some crazy human made ME pose w/ a big bag of crap dangling just inches from my face.
Look at this poor woman.
The ARCTIC TIE promises INSTANT RELIEF FROM THE HEAT. HEAT KILLS! STAY COOL
Frankly folks, if it was a choice between life w/ the bandana necktie or death by heat – you KNOW which one I’m picking. Plus, after watching that Independent Lens special last night on gang warfare, I was reminded of the whole “Colors” thing – you know, the Crips vs. the Bloods, Blue Vs. Red. What if you stumbled into the wrong turf with the wrong color dingus lasso round your neck? That could get ugly.
BOY-YOING-YOING! Welcome to the advert for HEART TOPS Nipple Covers. NOW. I don’t know about YOU, but it sure makes ME feel more secure knowing I can buy stickers for my nipples. I MEAN there is such a thing as SHOWING TOO MUCH in this day and age. When I go topless, sometimes I feel a bit self-conscious. Or when I’m wearing one of those painted-on shirts, YOU KNOW, the ones that leave the hooter horns on high alert ALL DAY LONG, sometimes I feel… well, a bit embarrassed. BUT Having those heart-shaped nipple stickers! WHAT A LIFESAVER!!
The AMAZING handheld Bug ZAPPER! Environmentally safe… UNLESS YOU’RE A BUG! HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHH!!!!!!!! Oh. wait. They’re serious. The Bug Zapper electrified tennis racket kills on contact. FUN, SAFE, EFFECTIVE. BOY THERE”S SOMETHING FOR THE KIDS. I can’t WAIT to see what kind of litigation comes out of this one.