Dear Diary,

In the weeks since my last post, I’ve fleshed out the entirety of my upcoming road trip: attractions, hotels, restaurants, even a few thrift shops I want to hit. I found an old journal in a drawer upstairs and knowing no one would miss it, ripped out the first few used pages and made it mine.

It’s now my OFFICIAL TRAVEL BOOK.

Instead of taking the usual route to Hotlanta, I’ve plotted a course through less-familiar towns. Like [MAN’S NAME] and [PLACE ENDING IN -VILLE]. And to keep things extra-exciting, I will be stopping in [GLAMOROUS CITY] for a night at the [FUN PLACE] because I really want to [VERB]!

But enough of that.

I’ve been gearing up for my trip, mostly by seeing to chores here at home. Like earlier this week, when I spent a day and half preparing for spring.

Spring??! you say??! But it’s FALL!! You big dummy!

Well, of course. But here in Maine, the transition from autumn to arctic tundra happens virtually overnight. And unless you get a jump on bulb planting, there’s nothing to look forward to come spring when the whole world is still a soot-stained pile of snow. So I spent hours on my knees Monday and Tuesday, administering roughly 300 pelvic exams to the earth, inserting seeds into its fertile womb in hopes of a late-April flower show. And to up the odds in my favor, I’ve been letting the cat out as frequently as possible.

A cat, you say?? Why YES. Because one of the greatest threats to newly-sown bulbs comes in the form of hungry rodents, specifically chipmunks and squirrels. Which we have in abundance. And although cute, they are conniving. They watch carefully as you sow, and the minute your back is turned -BAM! Free lunch. Having invested a whole lot of time and effort, not to mention two bruised knees into this project, I am using our cat Bella as backup. Because Bella’s other name is MURDER CAT. She has spent several seasons earning this title, littering our yard with the gutted corpses of chipmunks, squirrels, moles, voles, mice, and birds. None are safe from her razor-sharp reflexes. She even stalks ME. Good girl!

I’ve also spent the past weeks engaged in another home improvement project. One called, “Quick! Paint the windows before the temperature drops below 50!” Although it’s been gloriously warm elsewhere, it’s been dipping into the 40s and now 30s here at night. Which makes exterior painting a little challenging. Fortunately I’ve been working on the “warmer” side of the house – meaning the one that gets a lot of direct sunlight – so by the time the air temp is in the 50s, up on the ladder in the sun I am SWEATING. Did I mention the ladder? Of course I mentioned the ladder! Because that is just SO MUCH FUN. ESPECIALLY when you have MENIERE’S DISEASE!!!! Oh yessssss.

Those are not staged pics! They’re pleas for help! Texted to my husband, begging him to come home and help me move this beast before I break a window, my neck, or worse. White-knuckling it up and down two stories, dangling in the air, priming, painting, and scraping windows is NOTHING compared to having to shift the freaking ladder from location to location. I’m not sure precisely how much this monstrosity weighs, but with the stabilizer I’m guessing close to 100 lbs. And when it’s extended to the second story, a good 20+ feet tall, it’s beyond unwieldy. For me, moving it alone was impossible. The good news? My husband works close enough that he was able to rush home to move the ladder for me. Because he can move it SOLO. Sigh. So I was able to finish up all but the last 4 remaining windows – all thankfully located in the attic, where we can remove and paint them inside the house. Without a ladder! WOOHOO!