The NEW! Victor® Multi-Kill™ Electronic Mouse Trap

My family & I live in a very old house. And like many old houses, we have mice. When we first moved in, we would occasionally hear them in the walls. Chewing, scurrying, doing their mousey business. For the most part we ignored them. They kept inside the walls, we kept outside, and never our worlds would meet.

Several months ago, I received an email out of the blue. It was from a gentleman who works for Victor Pest. Victor Pest is the manufacturer of the mousetraps you see everywhere, the ones emblazoned w/ the big V logo w/ the mouse head.

Snap traps, glue traps, they make them all. Anyway, “Mr. Victor” said he’d been reading & enjoying my blog, and as I have a decidedly ‘country living’ angle – along with a love of products, was wondering whether I’d be interested in reviewing the NEW! Victor® Multi-Kill™ Electronic Mouse Trap. As it just so happened, a night or two before receiving this email I’d been awakened by some especially loud gnawing coming from the corner of our bedroom ceiling. So w/out hesitation, I said YES.

Within a couple weeks, my mousetrap arrived. Unfortunately, instead of sending it to my PO Box, Mr. Victor sent the package directly to my house. Where it was signed for by my older daughter, who brought the box in and immediately opened it, because that is what 10 year olds do. The next thing I know, my daughter is in hysterics, demanding to know why I am trying to electrocute rodents. I had to promise her I would never EVER use the trap. I emailed Mr. Victor the next day to explain. He very graciously said he understood. I stuck the box in the closet and promptly forgot about it.

Until two weeks ago. My husband & I were watching a movie. It was late. I was half-asleep on the couch when suddenly John LEAPED UP and dashed to the corner. He grabbed the small hatchet we keep to make kindling. I thought he’d lost his mind until he shouted in a half-whisper. “I just saw a mouse.” Mickey never saw it coming.

We thought it was a fluke, this mouse. We do have a parrot – not the tidiest eater, as well as hamsters and guinea pigs. And our house isn’t exactly spotless. My hatred of cleaning in combination with all the work we’ve been doing has pretty much ensured a layer of debris everywhere. But this was the first actual mouse we had seen (apart from a dead one in the toilet) and we figured it’d be the last. HAH!

The next day I noticed a mouse turd on the counter. I was aghast. I may not be a clean freak, but the kitchen? That’s different. I am a mother, I am a licensed commercial baker; I do have STANDARDS. I called my husband over immediately. We assessed the area, discovering more droppings in the back corner. I fetched that box from the closet faster than you can say U R TOAST.

The Victor Electronic Mousetrap looks like a plastic lunchbox, the kind you see in black & white photographs of men perched 40 stories above New York.

But instead of sandwiches, it houses metal plating and electronics.  A small dual staircase in the back leads rodents to the upper chamber. You bait the end with something – we used peanut butter – and the mouse enters to get a free snack. But at what cost! As soon as it reaches the end, the metal plate beneath its feet fires, zapping Mickey to kingdom come. The floor then drops, dumping the body into a collection chamber below. The plate flips back up, ready to work again. Its ingenious design is essentially foolproof. As long as it’s baited and has working batteries, the Victor Electronic Mousetrap is a killing machine.

Within two weeks, we caught 11 mice. Typically 2 at a time, and always in the same combination: one large brown mouse, about the size of a gerbil, and a tiny gray one. Were they working the kitchen as teamed pairs? Who knows? But after catching 5 sets like this – they sure seemed to be. The only odd man, another small gray, was odd in more than one respect. Most remarkably, he was still alive! I heard the telltale zap and came running into the kitchen. The day was rainy and before I trekked out to the yard, I wanted to make sure I hadn’t been hearing things. I peeked into the chamber and two bright eyes peered back at me. YIKES! I closed the box quickly and grabbed my shoes. Instead of tossing the little lifeless body into the pile of yard waste with the others, I hiked further back into the woods. When I was a decent distance from the house, I stooped down in the tall grass and let him go. He was alive, but obviously stunned. I had to tap the container to get him out. He walked awkwardly and when he looked up at me, his black eyes shone w/ hatred.

That was the last mouse we caught. The turds have magically disappeared. No more scurrying noises from the walls. In my heart I know I’m not a bad person, but I still see those two eyes looking up from the grass, and I feel bad. Perhaps the survivor has warned his comrades. Maybe they fled before they too fell. I’d like to think so, at least. But just to make certain, the trap’s still on.

Dress Quest 2010

Three weeks ago, I posted about the agony of finding the perfect dress for my sister’s upcoming wedding.  I talked about the bevy of stores I’d been visiting in person and online, and briefly mentioned the swing towards HOOCH many modern bridesmaid dresses have taken.  As Maid of Honor, it was imperative I find the right dress.  My sister didn’t want something too formal, but being an evening affair it couldn’t be casual either.  She wanted it to be blue, preferably lighter in color, and shortish.  No small order, given most of the dresses I was finding were 1) not blue, and 2) too short for someone as tall as me.  To compound matters, I’d found dresses for my daughters in a pale ice blue – a great color but uncommon – and wanted to try to match mine to theirs.

I am not being dramatic when I say finding this dress was akin to being forked repeatedly in the eye whilst receiving electroshock.  I spent hours online, cruising websites till my buns was numb.  I went from store to store to store, trying on anything that could even remotely work, regardless of price or quality.  If it was blue, I put it on.  Most of what I found was horrific.  Cheap fabrics, poor cuts, too short, too skimpy, too bad.  A few dresses were lovely, and of course those were inevitably wrong, in whatever way.  One was too casual – and waaaaaay too expensive.  Another just too big – and past season.  No smaller size available.  A couple fit fine but were boring beyond belief.  With each passing day my frustration and sense of desperation grew palpably greater, and I was sleeping poorly at night.  Rather than dream, shades of blue would wash over me like waves, till it was time to start looking again.

And then it happened.  I’d practically given up when SHE arrived in the mail.  One look and I knew.  The right size, the right fit.  The silk chiffon was featherweight – no way would I be sweltering in the Georgia heat.  Okay, she was dark, and long, but she was CLASSY.  Formal without feeling stiff, flowy and feminine and beautiful.  The minute I put her on, I felt like a princess.  FINALLY! a dress to do my sister proud.  I’d never have imagined it, but I knew she was the one.

Don’t I scream Matro(fu)n of Honor?  YOU KNOW I DO!!  And it even looks great with the shoes I’d bought!  Even though it’s so long no one will ever even see them!  YAY!!

Now, having survived this experience, I would like to share some of my newly-acquired shopping knowledge so that others may be spared a margin of agony in their own quests.

NUMBER ONE

J.Crew may have nice looking clothes, but they have the very worst shipping policy of any company I found.  I ordered from them twice.  On both occasions I bought two dresses, each weighing roughly 16 paperclips.  The first time they charged me $17.50 to ship.  You heard me right.  SEVENTEEN DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS to ship mere ounces of fabric.  And of course the dresses didn’t work and had to be shipped back – for an additional $7.50.  That happened not the one time, as I mentioned, but twice.  I told myself it’d be okay.  Well, you know what, J.Crew, it’s not okay.  Your dresses were labeled special occasion but you lied.  They looked like office wear.  And it’s not right to charge 4 times what a normal office dress would cost, plus an extra effing dress for shipping.  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  (I am so sickened by this whole thing, I can’t even open my eyes – PS: the copier is broken and someone drank the last of the coffee)

NUMBER TWO

If you’re seeking nice footwear for any occasion, Nordstrom ROCKS.  Cutest shoes ever, great price, and the BEST CUSTOMER SERVICE!! I ordered online, shoes arrived – mine fit, Maddie’s fit, but Georgia’s were way too big.  I called them up, Adam (my rep) placed an exchange order for me immediately, which arrived tout de suite and fit perfectly.  Oh, and no shipping charge either.

NUMBER THREE

I like Macy’s.  They may have a pretty limited selection of formal wear in my local Portland store, but their website stocks it all.  The orders arrived quickly and without issue.  Free shipping (at least for me).  Can you guess where the Dress came from?  OOooh I feel preeeety, ooh so preettty, and … A+

NUMBER FOUR

Bluefly is a neat website and makes me wish I had buckets of money to spend.  Their packaging was great.  My dress came wrapped in tissue in a nice Bluefly bag and everything.  Just like I’d been at their store (which I don’t think exists, but still..) Nice touch.  Their return policy left something to be desired, as I was forced to print out a return slip.  You know I kept the bag as compensation.

NUMBER FIVE

Like.com is cool. You type in just what you’re looking for, color, style and POOF! there is it, up on the screen.  Little thumbnail pix collected from sellers across the internet.  Simply scroll down and eyeball the selection.  Easy breezy!

So, that’s it for now.  I would say I’ll post more shopping knowledge as I acquire it, but now that I’ve found the dress I am avoiding retailers at all costs.  So instead I will leave you with a parting shot of me & the Dress.  Proof (at least to me) that God exists & loves me more than imaginable.  Amen.

Weeding vs. Wedding

For the past several days I’ve been on FULL STEAM AHEAD.  Not out in the yard, but in every bridal shoppe in town.  Not to mention the mall, several discounters, the outlet stores, a couple thrift shops, and that one really funky vintage clothing boutique downtown.  Plus, thanks to cyberspace, I’ve been cruising every upscale retailer in the country.  All in the quest for THE DRESS.

Back in December I posted about my sister getting engaged.  I joked about being Matro(FU)N of Honor, wearing a Scarlet O’Hara=esque gown, and so on.  Well, fast forward five months.  The wedding is now sitting on top of us and I’ve yet to secure a real dress.  I may joke about a lot of things, but this is not funny.

Without disclosing her private life, my sister is in a grueling school program which barely allows for sleep, let alone shopping.  The fact that she lives 1000 miles away isn’t helping.  Thank GOD she has her own dress already!!  But.. I hear you saying.. the mother of the bride always fills in the gap.  The mother of the bride buys a dress for herself, then helps the bride select dresses for her party, and the bluebirds sing while little fairies float around their heads and they all live happily ever after.  Well, of course.  Except our mother is a high powered executive currently employed out of state.  So NONE of us are together.  And if you haven’t gleaned this quite yet, I am not exactly a shopper.  Don’t get me wrong, if I had bags of money I wouldn’t have a problem spending hours each week in stores, but my life is not like that.  I wouldn’t know an upscale dress shoppe if it bit me on the a$$.  Which IT HAS.

Yesterday I had on a dress that costs more than I have in the bank.  It was gorgeous.  I wanted it BAD.  But it wasn’t quite right.  The day before I tried on roughly 25 dresses at a lovely bridal place downtown.  Many of them were stunning, but none of them was IT.  I have been to Macy’s more times in the past week than I have since we moved here.  I keep pretending this dress is going to magically appear from doors at the back of the store, but it’s NOT!!  I’m just trying on the same damn things I did the day before.

I want my sister to be happy.  I want her wedding to be perfect.  And in my own way I am trying to make that so.  But it is leading me to obsess.  And as many lovely dresses I have seen, in every color of the rainbow except for the one that I NEED, I have seen an equal number that should be stripped from the racks & burned.  The running joke used to be how ugly bridesmaid dresses are.  I think the backlash against hideousness has gone so far in the opposite direction, we’re now actually worse off.  I will be blunt.  I know every woman wants to look sexy and appealing, but if you are unable to discern the fine line between “gorgeous” and “cheap ho” please do us all a favor and stay home.  A wedding is sacred, or should be.  The BRIDE is meant to stand out, not your floozy self. Let’s show some CLASS, Ladies!

And on that note, I am off.  So many dresses to eyeball, only so many hours in the day.  Wish me luck.