Did you know that in addition to being a low-sodium foodie, I also play CUPID to people from around the globe? It’s true! Sort of like Santa but with a far smaller suit, I spread my love of LOVE worldwide, thanks to the wonders of technology.
I had a pretty busy weekend. Besides reuniting with a jailbird relative and crossing the picket line at Toys R Us, I also spent a chunk of time filling out Valentines in my role as your own personal cupid!! And let me tell you, it was fun. So much better than coming out of the thrift shoppe Friday to find someone had keyed the crap out of my car. I never anticipated playing Cupid could be quite so engaging, quite so diverting, but it’s been all that and more. And I think I have a knack for this love stuff. It’s not so hard once you get going. Love up one person, then the next guy’s not so hard. It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill. And by the time I reached the bottom of the mountain, I felt tingly all over.
Personalizing cards for people all over the country is a very rewarding task. Much like helping a blind person across the street, which I have also done and found quite nice. There aren’t many things you can do for someone quite so personal as sending their loved one a valentine. Because not only does it require steady nerves and a heart full of romance, but it also entails TRUST. And I am so happy that you all trusted Me to love up your Loved One for You! That shows a level of selflessness not displayed in many, other than swingers. And you should all be congratulated on your openness. Congratulations!
And as you’ve put me in this very special position, I just want to say I have done my best. Like writing “Let’s ————!” in my nicest most come-hither handwriting. I’ve tried my utmost to fulfill your expectations in each and every way when it came to these cards. I know you did not pay me anything for the card itself, or my time, or the postage either, but that’s not the point, is it? If I expected payment for love, would I not be selling myself short? Well perhaps legally it is called prostitution, but humanly it is just called sad. I do not need payment for love. And neither do YOU.
So from the very bottom of my being, I want to wish each and every one of you a very Happy Valentine’s Day! And since I am from Philly, I will say it in Philadelphian too: Happy V-Day, YO! Hope you like the cards! And I also hope that the US Postal Service delivers them on time. And to the right address, as I have had issues with that. But you all live someplace else, and that probably makes all the difference.
A couple days ago I posted about finding a bunch of vintage valentines at the thrift shop, and how I’d been struck by the sweetness of it all. Well – when I bought the whole big whopping sack of them, I suspected there were probably more than I could use, but I hadn’t realized precisely how many until I actually counted them last night. 65. WOW. That’s a lot of valentines. If I use one per year for the next 65 years, I’ll be dead before they are gone.
So I started thinking about My poor dead self – dead. and all those unsent valentines. Sitting unused in some dusty desk – or thrown out in the trash. Or recycled into new 2073 Valentines. And all those choice 1980s sentiments gone.
SO I thought about that for a while last night, while drinking my wine and watching Arrested Development. and noticing how unbelievably adorable Jason Bateman is and how young he looks, like he cannot possibly be 39 because he looks so great and so YOUNG and , and. wow. 65 valentines that is a lot. I could send them all out this year – you know carpe diem, SEIZE THE DAY and all that. It is Valentine’s Day after all and I am ALL ABOUT LOVE. But somehow I think it might be a bad idea for me to send 65 people suggestive cards suggesting that we get it on. What if they all showed up at the same time? That’s a lot of chex mix. Not to mention the fact that my husband is a very jealous man. Just look at him in this year’s Christmas photo.
There aren’t a lot of opportunities for a man to swing an axe living in the city.
So when my blog buddy Hayden commented yesterday asking where she could sign up for some cards – I thought hey, maybe I should do it. Maybe I SHOULD make some Valentine’s Day dreams come true -or at least make somebody’s V-day a whole lot funnier. We need more laughter these days.
Therefore I am officially making the offer to be YOUR OWN PERSONAL CUPID this Valentine’s season. I have 65 “new” (really vintage 1980s) Recycled Paper Products Inc. valentine cards up for grabs. Most of them involve risque humor, not ideal for grandma, kids, or your boss (unless of course you are sleeping with your boss), but some are okay for them too. You can click through and actually view the entire selection HERE. With the help of my husband above, who helped me ever-so-kindly scan them. If you find a card (or cards) that speaks to you, email and let me know. I will be happy to personalize it as instructed by you and mail it to the UNBELIEVABLY LUCKY recipient of your choice, or you can of course opt for poetic license and have me create my own imaginative greeting FOR YOU. Now we’re talking real FUN.
So, in summary, if you would like me to be YOUR OWN PERSONAL CUPID, simply CLICK HERE to select a card, email me with the Title, recipient info, etc. and I will be happy to make your Valentine’s day dreams come true. BUT HURRY – ONLY WHILE LIMITED SUPPLIES LAST!
Sometimes I think fate is out to make me its mistress. Take this thrift shop find: a whole store’s worth of vintage 80s Valentine cards. I just couldn’t resist. Maybe I could have if they’d been the traditional schmaltz, but most of these cards are suggestive. Who doesn’t like a nice racy card? Pretty hot stuff for 1985. Like this one:
Winky eye + smoke coming out of head = Most magically delicious valentine ever
Could there be anything cooler than whipping out a 1980s Recycled Paper Products, Inc. valentine, seemingly out of thin air? These things don’t just grow on trees (I am speaking figuratively here, b/c yes I DO KNOW THEY USED TO as they are composed of 100% recycled paper* obviously way ahead of their time). But you know what I’m saying. Especially if you lived through the 80s. Of course they were stupid and Hideous then, but it’s 2008, Now they’re RETRO.
Remember that TV show A CURRENT AFFAIR? No, I was not suggesting you’d ever watched it either. But I have a card based on it. Other winners include Boynton and the comic strip Cathy. The rest just suggest SEX.
But the greatness of this find doesn’t stop there. You see, my life is all about LOVE. I love LOVE. I enjoy joy. Valentine’s Day was MADE for people like me!! So now I have this surplus of vintage Valentine’s. AND a compulsive inner drive to make others happy. I’m thinking of starting up my own (one-season) seasonal business and I’m going to call it “Your own PERSONAL CUPID”. After all, just last week I posted a whole whopping list of creative, thoughtful, and CHEAP ideas for Valentine’s Day. because that’s just the kind of loving creative thoughtful and cheap person I am. But this idea goes well beyond all that. Can you imagine how awesome it would be to have a completely anonymous stranger act as your cupid? I can write and speak English (and a little French – oh la la! the language of looove). I can come up with interesting, totally spontaneous greeting card messages like “BABY, oh BABY. I am thinking of you right now. Meet me at the train depot at 6 PM tonight. I’ll be the blonde with the suitcase.” Or, “I WANT YOU. AND I KNOW YOU WANT ME. Guess who?”
GREAT stuff , huh?
What could be more titillating than sending a Secret Admirer valentine to someone you have the hots for?? IT IS GREAT.
Think about it:
- I send your love a card FOR YOU.
- They get it in the mail. Surprise!
- He/she looks at the postmark, thinking who the hell lives in Philadelphia? SURPRISE!
- He/she opens the envelope to find a HOT!HOT! message, signed with YOUR NAME (WHEN DID THEY GO TO PHILLY??) or NONE AT ALL.
- He/she cannot believe it – and WHAT A COOL CARD TO BOOT.
- BEST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER!!