Last night at dinner, while other families were conversing about art and politics, my family and I were discussing our favorite letters. And like many other Sesame Street topics of conversation, it was polarizing. My daughters and I all (of course) chose the first letters of our names as our favorites. Mine being C. But just because C is for Christy doesn’t mean I’m biased solely because of THAT.
HOWDY ALL! Sorry it’s taken me so long for a new post. Last week was my older daughter’s graduation from elementary school and things have been BUSY. Back when I was in school, I don’t recall there being a celebration of this sort- more like we were pushed out the door and told to hoof it to the Jr. High the next year. But nowadays things are much more refined.
The fifth graders were feted with a bowling party, a pizza party, yearbooks and MORE. They even had a graduation ceremony, attended by sooooooooo maaaaannny loved ones that these were our seats.
WOWZA! Good thing I brought my glasses.
When I met my husband it was love at first sight. Even though we were very different people from very different backgrounds, we didn’t care. Like a monster truck roaring down the highway, tossing rational thought to the backseat and empty beer cans out the windows, our love was YEEEEHHAAAWWW!!! Days flew into weeks, weeks into months, and before we knew it, we were getting married. Yet despite our commitment there remains one fundamental difference between my husband and I. Something few couples can resolve without tension, especially when children come along.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but for years I’ve tried to convert him. I know it’s wrong to foist your opinions onto anyone – let alone the person you hold most dear. But I simply can’t understand why he doesn’t feel the same way I do. How he can’t see the beauty in the light! The purity, the wholesomeness. The divine deliciousness of mayonnaise. That cloudlike concoction of whipped oil and egg, the condiment that elevates a humble sandwich to celestial heights. You wouldn’t think something so creamy could be so divisive. But when a person has devoted years of their life to something as important as a choice of condiment, it’s bound to cause trouble when the spouse isn’t on board. The problem? My husband HATES mayo. And I’m a homeowner on Hellmann’s Hill.
Ooooh how I LOVE mayonnaise! And have for as long as I can remember. The look of it, the smell of it, the touch and taste of it brushing past my lips to my tongue. Just thinking about it now is making my mouth water. Even on my low sodium diet, I simply cannot say no. I know I should, I try to limit my consumption. But whereas normal people keep a normal size jar in the fridge, this is how I roll:
GALLON SIZE, BABY!
Now don’t be a hater. If you, like my husband, don’t feel mayonnaise is pure ecstasy, that’s okay by me. Feel free to pass that little plastic cup of yours on over. I like EXTRA. When our daughters came along I wondered on which side of the fence they’d fall. And as luck would have it, we got one of each. My older daughter hates mayo with a passion. My younger eats mayonnaise sandwiches: mayo and bread. She may even like mayonnaise slightly more than me, but as a fellow devotee, I understand.
The reason I am writing this mayo post is NOT b/c we are out of mayo. Heaven forbid! No, we restocked last month and we’ve still got a little ways to go:
It’s because of this mayo “issue” between my husband and I. You see, he’s a mustard man. I like mustard, really I do, but it’s not mayo. And even though I know my husband detests mayonnaise, I am constantly trying to get him to fall in love with it like I am. So I try to slip it in things when he’s not paying attention. Today he caught me fixing some sandwiches for him and spreading the rye bread with mayo. Just a thin spread – almost undetectable – and only on the one slice, but he caught me. And yelled. And then stormed out the door. When he came back in I made my “sad face” at him and apologized. He hugged me and said it’s frustrating not being able to eat a sandwich the way he likes it. Especially when he’s told me, oh, 6,703 times he doesn’t like mayonnaise. But deep down in my heart I just KNOW he’ll love it.. one day.
In just over a month, my family and I will be celebrating TWO WHOLE YEARS in MAINE!! HOORAY! To mark this momentous occasion, I’m starting a new semi-regular column here on The Daily Dish. Dedicated to whatever seems different from where I used to live (Philly) or whatever I notice that just sticks out, STUFF I’VE NOTICED SINCE MOVING TO MAINE will be a way for all of you to visit, without me having to clean the house. So without further ado, today let’s talk about.. DOGS!
My family & I went to my daughters school on Saturday for Winterfest! Winterfest! is an annual celebration with games, food, raffles, contests, crafts, singing and more. It draws a BIG crowd and when we entered the gym the first thing that caught my eye wasn’t the enormous moon bounce or the line for hamburgers. No! It was a woman walking towards me with a dog in her arms. It wasn’t injured. It wasn’t a helper dog. As far as anyone was concerned, this lap pooch was just one more merrymaker at Winterfest! WHY? Because Mainers are CRAZY ABOUT DOGS!!!!
They are everywhere here and I mean EVERYWHERE. We have one laying across our floor, outside there are two barking from the back, 4 barking from the side, there’re a couple peeing at the end of the driveway, another one’s approaching looking keen, and a huge one just drove by mostly hanging out the car window. It’s doggone NUTS!
In Philly a lot of people had cats. I think cats are cool, but Portland is a dog town. Maybe it’s because Maine is so white? Not to stereotype, but white people seem to like dogs more than minorities. Personally I like minorities more, but I also love dogs. Dogs just seem to gibe with Maine. They’re laid back. Chilllll. Portland’s baseball team is even called the Sea Dogs! Which I think is technically a seal? Or something? Seriously, I don’t even know what a Sea Dog is, but here’s Slugger the Sea DOG w/ my daughters. 
The Sea DOGS even have a Bring Your Dog to the Game DAY! WHY?? Because Mainers take their dogs EVERYWHERE. They don’t like leaving them at home. Every single parking lot you pull into, every other car has a dog waiting for its owner to return. Here in Portland there are dog parks and even the regular parks all have “off leash” laws: as long as your dog is under voice command, roping them is unnecessary. And because beaches are also open to dogs it’s common to find them year round romping in the surf, chasing balls and taking dumps right there in the sand as nature intended.
Mainers are so generous with their dogs, they not only take them everywhere, they often let them drive. Not alone, mind you. I mean they let their dogs sit on THEIR laps in the driver seat. No offense, Sir or Madam, but what the hell are you gonna do when Fido smashes your face into the steering wheel and you lose control of the vehicle? Or when Happy becomes incontinent and lets fly in your lap? Surely your first impulse will be to SCREAM AND CAREEN OFF THE ROAD. I know mine would be. YAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I’m not saying you have to harness Hoover, or invest in one of those gated cage areas in the trunk, but for all our sakes could you at least put the dog in the back seat? It’s illegal in the state of Maine for children under 13 to ride up front. Maybe elderly dogs can ride in the passenger seat, but otherwise – back seat buddy. PS: In Philly I had to worry about people driving around with infants in their laps. Here it’s dogs. Is that better??
This is my dog Max.
Max passed away on Halloween. But before he died, he told me how much he loved Maine. Not just for all of the reasons outlined above, but b/c here in Maine, Max was ACCEPTED. Back in Philly strangers would cross the street when I walked Max. Here, no way. Everyone would welcome him like an old friend. (To be strictly honest, some of the little yippy dogs would stand there and bark & bark till they looked like they were going to drop dead, but they do that everywhere.)
Dogs are SO POPULAR here in Maine, I have noticed other things.
And I’m not talking pet stores either. I mean “normal” ones, like Marshall’s. Just before Christmas, I was shopping with my older daughter. We turned a corner and there’s a woman perusing housewares w/ her dog. Again, this wasn’t a helper or seeing eye dog, he was a fluffy lap dog, riding shotgun in her cart. I notice this all the time and I can’t help but think how tolerant people are here. In Philly, if some woman showed up at Marshall’s totting her dog, they’d escort her out of the store faster than you could spell N-O_EFFING_W-A-Y. Personally I think they might do this to me too, if I showed up at Marshall’s with our new puppy, Roxy the Rottweiler
but.. still. Maybe I will try it and see. After all, Mainers LOVE their dogs.
Yesterday, amid snow filled skies, a group of friends gathered to celebrate the union of two very much in love stuffed animals.
A marvelous time was had by all and the ceremony got me thinking about love. Isn’t it amazing how two different species of stuffed animals can come together to form a perfect union? I know some folks are really adamant about who can & cannot commit to one another, but really, who are we to judge the love a chickie can feel for a bunny, and vice versa? Or, say. the attraction a Buffalo can feel for a Donkey? Because surely you haven’t forgotten about MY FRISKY COOKIES??!
YES FRIENDS! hard to believe they’re STILL humping after all these years!! (But not as hard for us as for that donkey.)
Click to relive the magic (really, just read the original blog posts)
December 2007. Donkey & Buffalo find each other in a crowded tub of crackers.
January 2008. Donkey & Buffalo remain “attached at the hip”
February 2011. Three years later ….. and STILL GOING STRONG!
As if their long lasting interlocked state wasn’t evidence enough, I have further proof that the Donkey & Buffalo’s inter-species love is here to stay. Dear reader. What I have to show you may be shocking, but remember, it is NATURAL. Earlier this afternoon, when I fetched my animal crackers from their special box, they…. weren’t alone.
BEHOLD!!!!!
Animal Cracker —- OFFSPRING!!!!!!!!
The Donkey & Buffalo’s union has produced a (I don’t know what to call it) just in time for the grandaddy of all Love Ins, Valentine’s Day. Though he looks a little funny, his legs are a bit twisted and he appears to be moving forward and backward simultaneously, you cannot dispute the look of sheer unbridled JOY on the (whatever it is)’s face. DON’T JUDGE!!!! LOVE CONQUERS ALL
SO. To all you naysayers. I say PPpFFFFFFTTTTTT.
