Lord of the Flies

When we returned home from the Midwest, the first thing I did was drag my sorry self upstairs to crash out in bed. After nearly 15 hours in the car, it was all I could do. But the first thing my husband did, being the amazing soul he is, was go through the entire house to make sure everything was just as we’d left it. And everything was fine. Save for the flies.

When we left John says he noticed one lone fly bzzzzing round an upstairs room. No big deal. He figured it’d be dead by the time the weekend was over.


Remember Cutie? My daughter’s runaway hamster?? Yes, I know I haven’t written about him in weeks. But that’s b/c we thought he was still on vacation. Well… he is, except it’s that reeeeeeeaaaalllly long vacation that never ends. Ugh. we can now state w/ fair certainty that Cutie has become banquet to 50,000 flies. So we’ve spent the better part of two days shooing, swatting and otherwise casting out these winged creatures from our happy home. And in tackling this new and vexing challenge, I have noticed something truly profound.

When a fly gets trapped inside, they follow a particular pattern. First, They zoom from room to room looking for an exit. Second, they find a window. They fly back and forth past the window, assessing the possibility of escape. In a last-ditch effort, they begin to fly into the window, over and over, as though their feeble crashes will at last force the glass and they will be free. Eventually, the exhausted fly succumbs to the inevitable, either crawling up into a ball and breathing its last, OR conversely, overcoming its initial aversion and fear and FINALLY allowing me to gently scoop it up and release it out into the world.

Having watched this scenario play out OH SO MANY times over the past couple days, I have been struck by the similarity between humans and flies. These flies leave you wondering. WHAT THE HELL??!! ARE YOU REALLY SO DAMN STUPID?? I AM HERE – ARE YOU BLIND?! MY HAND! It is GUIDING YOU OUT – SEE THERE!! THE OPEN WINDOW!!!! IT’S RIGHT THEEERRRRRREEE!! I AM TRYING TO SAVE YOU, YOU MORON!!!

When a human becomes trapped – and here I am speaking rather metaphorically – so by this I could mean a myriad of things. But when a human becomes similarly “trapped” w/ no hope of escape, their response is very much like the fly. We are stubborn. We are STUPID. We do not want Help. We don’t NEED HELP. Instead we rush round looking for a means of escape. OH! And there it is. But it’s not, not really. No, it’s an impenetrable hurdle. So we bang out heads against the proverbial glass, frustrating ourselves and every conceivable attempt at freedom. And when that *Great Hand from the Sky* reaches down to help, what do we do?? We fail to see it. Or if we do, we RUN THE HELL AWAY.

Sometimes life presents you w/ a metaphor that you just can’t help but notice. I do not profess to be any more in tune w/ the great Cosmos than the next guy, but I can tell you this whole FLY THING has gotten my attention. The past several days have been pretty hard for me. I do not like vertigo. Yes, it is BAD. Having to steady myself constantly against the rotational force of the planet, whilst everyone else goes about their daily business blissfully unencumbered SUCKS. Feeling shitty always puts me in a slightly philosophical frame of mind. SO. Feeling this way, I would just like to say HEY. HEY BIG GUY. If you are up there, pitying me or watching me with amusement, FEEL FREE TO HELP. I am here, just smacking my head against the glass, so You just FEEL FREE to stick that big ol’ mitt out for me already. As long as you’re not going to smash me dead, I_am_YOURS.

6 thoughts on “Lord of the Flies

  1. “Ugh. we can now state w/ fair certainty that Cutie has become banquet to 50,000 flies”

    Oh, EWWWWWW. :shudder:

    Well, I don’t know about God’s mits, but if you ever need any help I’m here and I know lots of other people are. Well, I’m here except for de-bugging or de-verminizing. Blech!

  2. c’mon over here dishy…i’ll open a window for you and let you leap to “freedom” from vertigo forever! 🙂 i do what i can for the people…

    seriously,though…i hope you’re feeling better soon.

  3. Thanks Hayden. I am so accustomed to acting as Pest Control here, it’s no problem going it alone. I am proud to say I’ve yet to kill a single fly, though the stubborn ones may die from their own bullheadedness. There are only so many times I can call “HEEERRRREE FLYYYY,” and shoo them to the window before even I give up. The smart ones simply let me scoop them up. I like those guys.

    Curly, I think your comment has rendered me even slightly more depressed than I am already. But perhaps that’s my comeuppance for suggesting you will crash in a fiery jet inferno. I promise not to say that again, if you stop suggesting I kill myself. Okay? PS: Thanks for the well wishes. Give my best to Dr. Kevorkian. xo

  4. Sorry to hear of Cutie’s rather ignoble departure and ensuing feast for the flies. Sounds positively Amityville Horrorish!
    I’ll talk to the man and see if he can’t send some well-being your way. It sure isn’t my week.

  5. Hey Connie! Yes, it was quite the sight waking up from travel-induced coma to find our house had been overtaken by carrion flies. YUCK doesn’t exactly do it. MOre like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

    But it’s better now. I found only one fly in the bedroom this morning. I try explaining to them that they need to cooperate or they are going to die of starvation, but these flies.. they just don’t seem to listen. Oh well.

    Hope we’re both having a better time this weekend!

  6. hey i finnaly viseted your website that you told me about in the famil reuinon , it took me a while to find it. it is really coool. How have you guys beenn??? latley. how is georigia and maddie and john and you? me i am doing good.

    send me an email 🙂
    my dad gave you the wrong one
    or dolphindreamer900@yahoo.com
    do the dolphin dreamer one 🙂 lovessss your website might try out some new resipes 🙂
    thanks a bounch
    misssss u


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