Caught red handed.

I am pleased to announce wonderfish Blackie is home at last.  No he did not DIE!  He’s back in his tank.  I spent the bulk of this morning scrubbing it, and by lunchtime he was happily swimming round his decorative pagodas once more.  Upon closer inspection, however, his filter looked suspect.  So we decided to go to the pet store to see about buying a replacement.  Whilst there I noticed they had a large array of hamsters.  Male & female, several different varieties, ALL VERY CUTE.  So while my husband took a gander at filters, I kept watch on the rodents.  And OH MY GOODNESSS!!  They had Teddy Bear hamsters! Which looked jusssst like HAMMIE.  My daughter’s most beloved pet.  Next thing I knew I was squatting down beside the cage, slipping up the lid and reaching right in.  Most of them were asleep, so they didn’t know any different.  But the one who was mostly awake didn’t much like the proximity of my hand to his head.  He started snarling at me in that hamster way, bearing his long gnawing teeth.  Fortunately he got scared and ran into a plastic tube, leaving me free to pet his semiconscious friends.  I’d barely touched one of them when a voice rang out beside me.  A sales clerk stood a couple feet away, gazing down quizzically.  It was clear I was the first adult she’d ever caught in an unauthorized petting situation.  She asked whether I’d consulted a sales associate about handling.  I played dumb.  Ooooh, I was supposed to??  She gave me a look that clearly conveyed OF COURSE YOU MORON.  I continued squatting in front on the cage, mostly b/c I didn’t know what else to do and wanted to appear as nonchalant as possible.  She just stood there, looking at me.  I think she was afraid as soon as her back was turned, my hand would be in the cage grabbing one of the hamsters and making a run for it.  She asked if I was interested in one of the hamsters, whether I wanted to purchase one of the hamsters.  I answered noncommittally.  Then I fixed my gaze on the cage, hoping she would just walk away.  Finally my husband approached, asking me to come check out the filters.  I stood up and never looked back.

9 thoughts on “Caught red handed.

  1. Brilliant! Never giggled so much in ages! That is so like something I would do! You should have told her one of the hamsters was choking or something suitably dramatic… then you would have been a hero! Come on girl! Think quicker! lol ;o)
    Glad Blackie is home! x

  2. Oh, I know that feeling! At least at our local pet store we can pet the kittens for adoption. It is SOOOOOO HARD to leave their without taking one of those adorable kittens with me!

  3. Daff – I felt like a little kid who’d been caught w/a hand in the cookie jar. The fact that the salesclerk was half my age only added to the comedy. She had this look on her face – a mixture of bemusement and utter astonishment – that a grown adult – a sane looking woman – would be petting w/out permission. I’ll never forget it. Too funny.

    Hayden – there’s a young stray I’ve been feeding recently. We’ve tried bringing her in but she wants to fight Max & eat Kiwi. Any chance you could come take her home??!

    Oh Connie – you’re always getting my back, you wonderful woman you!

  4. Since you obviously NEED a hamster – or two – you could have suavely picked up a cutie to buy and made her feel silly instead of you. And then you’d have a cute little hamster to pet anytime you wanted to. Come on, you KNOW you want one… (I’m glad Connie made you so happy by spitting diet coke all over you. Good call, Connie!) (Just kidding, obviously) (Shutting up now)

  5. Trace I want one BAD. My kids want several. But my husband wants ze-ro. After the hell & back we just went through w/ Blackie, he has forbade the acquisition of all pets. At present, at least. We’ll see what happens round about CHRISTMAS though…. BWHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHH!!

  6. could you please open the comments on your most recent post about painting? thanks.

    i imagined you painting with a smock and easel…not house painting!! hilarious.

    i hope you can keep us posted on your new MANSION and show us the progress. you must have 64 miles of woodwork in that house.

    when i buy my historic home, i’m hiring you to do all the dirty work.


  7. Hah! Fat chance baby – my time is no longer my own. The only painting getting done round here is the practical kind. And when you do it the way I do (a little here, a little there – since I bore so easily) it takes 64 YEARS to complete…

    I am looking forward to sharing all the heartaches & triumphs though.. there’s a LOT of work in progress going on. It’s a bit like juggling flaming coconuts. It looks fun but the risk is enough to discourage most sane folk from attempting. xoxoxo

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