The weeks of eager anticipation end tomorrow.. when I set off on my trip!  WOOHOO!  My bag is packed and after last week’s $745 investment in front brakes and 3 new tires, my car is ready too.  I’ve just been finishing up the little odds and ends left over after tackling big stuff (the travel equivalent of “broom sweeping” on move-out day) and handling the unanticipated weirdness that drops by to say HOWDY! before you head out for a month.

Like Sunday night, when my once-hearty husband returned from climbing Mt. Washington unable to move.  This wasn’t usual hiking fatigue.  It was a certifiable case of wrenched lumbar.  3/10th of a mile from the summit, he stretched too far while stabilizing himself across an icy boulder and YAAAAARRRCHHHHHHH!!  Goodbye lower back.  While lesser mortals would have said EFF THIS, my husband instead crippled up the mountain to the top.  Despite 92 mile/hr winds and serious incapacitation, he finished his hike, continued back down the mountain, drove 2 hours home, and went to bed.  Because that’s how my husband takes care of business.  LIKE A BOSS.

And speaking of “taking care of business” – I went to walk the dog yesterday.  Usual route, through the woods.  I return home to finish the laundry, when I feel something weird.. WHAT IS UP W MY BOOT??  I lift my foot and YEP.  My right heel is hanging off.  Not completely off – mind you, just flapping in the wind like some hungry shoe mouth.  These are (of course) the boots I’d planned on taking on the trip.  The only boots I own that are not just broken-in comfortable, but also waterproof.  SO I dash to the cobbler.  Who is.. closed. OF COURSE!  I spend the rest of the day scouring for a new pair of boots.  By 2:30 I’m so desperate I buy a pair that costs $232 simply bc they pinch my feet less than the others.  By 5 pm I realize I am an idiot.   I buy shoe glue.  I drop my daughter off at dance class, return the overpriced foot vices, and return home to discover my husband has clamped my boots back together and they really might be okay.  LIKE A BOSS.  This morning I tenderly try on my boots.  I wear them all day.  I tramp through the woods again w the dog.  I type up a blog post.  And… the heel – it’s fine!!  They are back to normal!!  But you never know when the left foot may decide to jump ship, so I’m packing the rest of the glue.  In a baggie, of course – no way I’m risking my clothes.

Because guess what happened to me last week?!???!!!!!  Friday, the package I’d been awaiting from Amazon, arrives.  A shipment of stuff I’d needed for my trip – including birthday presents for my young nephew!  YAY!  I hurry the big box inside.  I note that the diligent postal carrier had double bagged it – against the cloudy sky, presumably, but.. wait.  The bags rip open to reveal wetness on the OUTSIDE of the box.  Hmmm.. THAT’S WEIRD.  I slit open the top and throw it open to discover the entire contents completely covered in a sticky sheath of slightly sweet-smelling SOAP.

That’s right.  Soap.  Covering all four books, a 2-pack of lip balm, and two (UNDISCLOSED BIRTHDAY GIFTS).

After I was able to resume breathing, I dialed up Amazon customer service to find the soothing southern drawl of Justin, my helpful representative, who promised me he would make everything all right.  And since we’d just (coincidentally) joined AMAZON PRIME the day before, I thought. HELL YEAH. After roughly 20 minutes of canceling, reordering, refunding, and reissuing, we were all set, and by Sunday afternoon, all was again right w the world.  Except for my poor husband.  (See back story above).

Which leads me to the following questions.

1) Why would a trained Amazon packaging person simply throw a whole shitload of stuff – including two giant 24-oz. bottles of liquid hand soap –  into a seriously oversized box without adding a single unit of packaging material?  No foam peanuts, plastic pillows, bubble wrap, wadded up paper. NOTHING BUT AIR AND SOAP AND BOOKS AND BALM AND (UNDISCLOSED PRESENTS) AND A WHOLE LOT OF SHAKING GOING ON.  Why didn’t they just use a smaller box??!  WHHHHYYYYYYYYY????

2) Why are cobblers closed on Mondays?  Really?  Why?

And 3). Why do manufacturers come up with great products, things that are beloved and bought w/ gusto, and then discontinue them??  Only to replace them with watered-down, crappier versions of the original??  Whyyyyyy?

So much to ponder on my long drive.  Good thing I’ve got the books.

0 thoughts on “It’s the FINAL COUNTDOWNNNNN!

  1. 1) It was a Monday box. Hangover from the weekend equals a blurred thought process. OR, the packers were having a side beg as to who could get the most orders out in the ten minutes before their break.

    2). Cobblers are closed on Mondays for the same reason barbers are closed on Mondays. They cobbler so many shows from the weekend that it takes them two days to recover.

    Cobbler calendars are set up with Sunday and Monday as their weekend.

    3). That’s the manufacturing equivalent of drinking vodka or tequila from your friend’s bottle then refilling it with water.

    Hope this helps.


  2. Always love your blog posts and humor! Have a safe trip. If you get in a bind and need to break your trip in NC, let me know. I have an apartment in downtown Winston-Salem you are welcomed to. 😊

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