life with kids

JUST SAY NO! to BRATZ

~ thedailydish ~ 13 Comments

For this week’s JUST SAY NO!, I would like to address a commonplace children’s toy which irks me beyond measure.

For those of you w/out daughters or who are otherwise happily living in oblivion, BRATZ are the scourge of wholesome mothers everywhere. These plastic pint-sized dolls, a little like Barbie but even less cerebral, are the certified tramps of the toy aisle. All sass, no class. These “little girl” dolls wear more makeup and less clothing than many of the hookers regularly using my block as a meet-up.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no big fan of ANY of these sexed-up trollop dolls sold to little girls as fantasy material. But at least Mattel’s Baby Doctor Barbie looks vaguely realistic, wearing scrubs instead of a go-go dress.

Behold Cloe (Like CHLOE but w/out the confusing H), one of the Bratz clique.

You can see that Cloe is all dolled up and ready to go, hanging out w/ her cat. I also am an animal lover, so you might think I would like sweet little Cloe and want to buy her for my daughters. But I am not sure about Cloe’s outfit, which brings to mind transvestite street walker – or (let’s not mince words) CHEAP WHORE. I think if I came out of the house in this get-up to feed my cats, my neighbors would stand open-mouthed in shock, wondering whether I’d lost my mind.

It’s great to have your own sense of style. Go crazy. But when you’re spackling on makeup like Bozo the clown and sporting a sequined dress a size too small for a toddler, let’s face facts. You look bad. Not sexy. Not alluring. Just plain floozy. That’s not good. No one should aspire to look like a stripper. Even classy strippers don’t like looking that way. Neither should you. And you reaallllllllllyy reeeaaaaaallllllllllllllyyy shouldn’t be promoting this kind of thing to your minor children. Handing them a BRATZ doll is as good as saying HEY PUMPKIN, SHAKE IT.

We need to inspire our future women to be leaders, to be intelligent and scholarly, creative, inspiring. NOT JUST SULTRY. SURE, you can be sexy. There are PLENTY of attractive, vivacious executives, artists, business tycoons. They have brains AND beauty. The two are not mutually exclusive. Some of these women are also other things. Like Humble. Decent. Modest. Virtues I hope to inculcate in my daughters – things I do NOT SEE IN THE BRATZ CLAN.

It’s the presumptive attitude of entitlement put forth in Bratz that makes me want to retch. The Diva Mentality.  Women do not need to flaunt themselves to be fulfilled. They do not need to be eye candy to Be Someone. When we set this sort of example for our girls, they come to believe that the sexualization of children is not just normal, but indeed acceptable. Much like the Ass Shorts I spoke about recently, these dolls are just plain WRONG.

Makeup is fine. Clothes are great. But our daughters need some real role models. Marie Curie. Mother Theresa. J.K. Rowling. Feed the minds of future women. Inspire them to have substance. Aspire to greatness yourself.

JUST SAY NO! to Bratz.

Back to reality.

~ thedailydish ~ 8 Comments

Vacation. Where does it GO?? You spend weeks and weeks looking forward to it, THEN FINALLY it’s here and – POOF! it’s gone.

We spent all last week in Sandbridge Beach, Virginia, a part of Virginia Beach. We’d never been there before, and when I first suggested the location to my parents, my mother was MORE THAN A LITTLE SKEPTICAL. I had no idea, but apparently Virginia Beach has a reputation as a party town. Color me surprised.

Sandbridge Beach may technically be part of Virginia Beach, but it is another world altogether. Quiet. Residential. Family-oriented. A haven for wildlife. No party animals in sight. My parents rented a HOUSE ON THE BEACH. I had never spent a week living on the beach before, but now I cannot look back. I’ve officially been spoiled for all other accommodation. Being able to roll out of bed onto the sand – MAN there’s simply nothing like it. And when you have to go to the bathroom, rather than pee in the water like everyone else (YES I SAW YOU), you can simply excuse yourself to the house, and whilst you’re at it, help yourself to an ice cold beverage and snack. WOW. Too hot? Chill out in the AC. That’s LIFE.

And b/c our house was ON THE BEACH, it was – by necessity – built up on stilts. If there’s a hurricane or bad tropical storm and the basement floods, you don’t want your downstairs destined for ruin. So pretty much everything was upstairs on the second floor. Smart. Except that the house – b/c it was mostly up on these stilts, would shake. And by shake I mean it would MOVE. I don’t know about where you live, but for me this was a little weird. I am not accustomed to a house that shimmies. Maybe if I lived in California where it’s earthquake central, but not in PHILLY. No way. SO. I was sitting up on the roof deck one day (3 stories up). just lying there on a chaise lounge, reading my book. when all of a sudden, I look down and my legs are ROCKING from side to side. HOLY CRAP! Later we had a pretty severe thunderstorm, and even the toilet water was sloshing from side to side. I kept thinking WHO THE HELL BUILDS THEIR HOUSE ON SAND??? SAND!!! I kept half-waiting to wake up out in the yard.

But enough about THAT. Onto the wildlife! Sandbridge Beach has crabs. Adorable fiddler crabs, which look like this:

Isn’t he a cutie pie? In that “I can pinch the heck out of you but I am JUST so cute” way?? YES! We spent a lot of time this week watching these little guys. All day long, they pop in and out of their holes in the sand, scurrying about, doing their crabbie business. And then POW! John would be on top of one, scooping him/her into a bucket for the girls & I to ogle. At night, we would take our flashlight to the beach for “crab hunting” – really the same thing we did all day, but more fun b/c it was DARK! In addition to this truly fun & fascinating pastime, we also counted pelicans. They would fly in a line over the the houses, or skim just over the surface of the water. Sometimes one or two, but often a DOZEN at a time. If you have not seen a pelican up close and personal, these are some BIG BIRDS. The girls also very much enjoyed collecting buckets of tentacle-less jellyfish. Which look and feel remarkably like breast implants (NOT THAT I REALLY KNOW). By the end of the week, the water was really percolating w/ them. Making swimming more of a contact sport. We would run in and out of the surf, shrieking, dodging all of the purplish blobs. John got stung badly on our last day and has a hideously nasty bruise on his arm from the encounter.

We also dolphin watched. B/c Sandbridge Beach is DOLPHIN PARADISE. These dolphins know a darn good thing when they find it and they simply don’t want to leave. Nope. They just swim up and down the beach all day long. Probably all night long too, but our flashlight was not powerful enough to observe that. These amazing creatures are so close to shore, they’re practically skimming the surfers. John swam out to them one day, but by the time he got out there, they’d gone. He said he could hear them underwater clear as day, chirping and whistling to each other. WATCH OUT! THERE HE IS!!

Speaking of “clear as day” – that is one thing that Virginia Beach and Sandbridge Beach were not this past week. At least part of the time. Several mornings we awoke to a distinctly hazy world filled w/ the smell of burning wood. The Great Dismal Swamp, in fact. Located on the border of Virginia and North Carolina, the swamp fire has been smoking out large parts of Virginia Beach. I cannot imagine how bad it must be near the park.

We went to Virginia Beach one evening. SO WAS IT GIRLS GONE WILD? I can hear you asking. Well, not quite. The beach itself is lovely, wide and clean, and portions are sectioned off for surfers only or for beach volleyball. Along the beach is a long “boardwalk” – really a wide cement sidewalk, lined w/ hotels, restaurants and bars. At night there are venues for loud outdoor music, most of which wasn’t my taste, but seemed to appeal to the crowds. The block adjacent to the beach, “The Strip,” is lined w/ more hotels, restaurants, and lots of (mostly cheesy) stores hocking overpriced t-shirts, YOUR NAME ON A GRAIN OF RICE jewelry, and other beach-themed sundries. All par for the course. Overall, the whole place has a very convivial atmosphere. Tacky, but fun. The ladies LOVED the fact that there were some carnival rides. And I liked the fact that there was a Kohr Bros custard. Just like home.

Saturday we bid adieu to Sandbridge Beach. Over & under the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel , past stands selling CHEAP CIGS, FIREWORKS and HAM, and back home to Philly.

My friends are the BEST.

~ thedailydish ~ 9 Comments

THANK YOU, everyone, for your incredible expressions of sympathy. I cannot tell you how much it cheered me up. Seriously. you guys are the BEST.

The past few days I’ve felt like something on the bottom of a shoe, but today the sky is blue, the birds are singing and all seems right again w/ the world. It stings to look out the back window and see Prudence’s lonely hutch there w/out her. But I made arrangements to pick up her ashes in a couple weeks, and returning her to the place she loved will bring closure to the circle. I didn’t realize it would take so long to have a private cremation for a rabbit. But for only $85, who’s complaining? That wouldn’t even cover my toenails at a funeral parlor.

The insurance companies are handling the accident claim. It’s good to know we’re getting something out of allll thatt moneeeyyy spent on insurance.

SO. I have been unbelievably busy the past couple weeks, and feel like I haven’t been blogging, or even reading blogs. I have no time. NONE. I’m only on the computer b/c I snuck away. My daughters are now both home for the summer. The next 11 weeks. I counted.

C’MMMOONNN August 26th!!!!

Who knew two sweet girls could be such ruffians? I am not joking. These kids fight all day long. If one of them isn’t complaining abut the other, it’s probably b/c they’re plotting something else. SERIOUSLY, I need one of those tiny tape recorders so I don’t go hoarse. W/ the touch of a button I’d simply start the playback loop:
QUIT IT!!!
I DON’T CARE WHAT SHE DID.
TIME OUT!
WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP TOUCHING ME.
YES, I HEEEEARRRRRD YOU. THAT IS THE THIRD TIME YOU ASKED> I SAID WAITTTT.
LEAVE YOUR SISTER ALLLLOOOOONE.
STOP IT. NOW. I MEAN IT. CUT IT OOOOUUUUTT. NOOOOOW.
PICK UP YOUR [insert item].
WHERERRE ARE YOUR SHOESS???????????????
NO – MEANS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,
ICE CREAM IS NOT BREAKFAST, and BY THE WAY DID you have to leave it out on the coffee table??? ARE YOU SLOW?? Did you not think I would be pissed that a) you were eating ice cream at 6 o’clock in the morning??, and b) THAT YOU LET IT MELT?? all over the effing table. next to a PILE OF CHIPS. You two stink at this. You have to be SNEAKY. SNEAAAAAAKKKKY. That means putting it ALL BACK before I come down here in the morning. But no….

Yes, I am going a little insane. For some reason, these kids want to be entertained 24/7. They think I am Julie, your cruise director from the Love Boat. I guess it’s my fault. We have been renting the first season of Love Boat episodes from Netflix and MAN, my daughters are HOOKED. My husband has given up. He was patient for a little while, as long as I plied him with a steeping quantity of wine and/or whiskey, but no more. He says he has reached his Love Boat limit. Granted, the shows are a little formulaic. And YES you do know what is going to happen as soon as the passengers board. The acting’s bad. I know it’s not PBS. BUT He just doesn’t understand. I spent hours watching the Love Boat as a child. It was **MAGICAL**.

ANYWAY, John graduated Saturday. and now is the proud owner of a masters degree in Information Science. We’d made plans to attend commencement, but at the very last minute John changed his mind. so we went to the Borgata instead. I have to say, WAY TO GO JOHN! a MUCH more pleasant way to spend a Saturday night. After stuffing our faces at the Buffet, John & the girls hit the beach and Mom-Mom & I hit the slots. LO & BEHOLD, those sneaky tricksters at the Borgata played a shell game w/ my secret luckiest winningest machine and MOVED IT. Damn! Oh well. I won $47 on another machine, and John’s grandmom won $94. I like winning money. Almost as much as being sent UNBELIEVABLY MARVVVELOUS PRESENTS IN THE MAIL when I least expect them! WOW.

JUST LOOK at this absolutely STUNNING scarf I rec’d yesterday from my brilliant pal Tracey. Who soooooo totally ROCKS!!! Thanks so much Trace!!!!!!!! As you can see, Kiwi has already made herself comfortable. I LOVE IT.

too damn hot

~ thedailydish ~ 17 Comments

This free-flowing post will have to suffice until the weather cools significantly here in Philadelphia. My office is an oven and my brain is boiling from the heat. We spent an armpit of a weekend suffering with temps in the mid-to-high 90s. Today is even hotter and tomorrow promises the same. As wonderful as the West Philly palatial estate is – and you know it is – our house has not been retrofitted w/ anything resembling central air. 100 years ago they were still working on indoor plumbing. Circa 2008 we have 2 window units, which we reserve for emergencies. LIKE NOW.

Anyway. we had a very good weekend, apart from the heat stroke. Saturday was *Family Fun Day* for my older daughter’s school. So we braved the temps along w/ the rest, and Yes it was hot as hell. Just walking from the car to the grounds of the Swedish Historical Museum left me sweating like a pig. By the time we sat down inside the fence and starting eating, I was ready to call for life support. The poor caterers! Slaving over open flames grilling burgers, dogs & chicken for hours. I don’t know how they managed it. I manned the “spin art” table for an hour and by the end the front of my shirt was soaked through. Standing in the sun watching the hypnotic swirl of the machine while the children argued over who had gone more than once was more than enough family fun for one day. So by 4 pm it was so long suckas. and home to the SUPERRRRR SSSSSLIDEEE!!! Which revived me enough to write its beautifully glorious name in all caps. For those of you who have not partaken of the wonder that is the super slide, I feel terribly sad for you. B/c the SUPER SLIDE is the BEST.


THIS, my friends, is The Sun Searcher 2007. We purchased said slide last year from BJs warehouse super store. When my husband first told me he was going to buy it, I truly thought him insane. $249.99 for a FREAKING SLIDE??!! ARE YOU CRAZY??! BUT, once I partook of the magic that is the Sun Searcher 2007, I knew he was indeed the most magnificently intelligent person on the face of the planet. Thank you honey. YOU WERE RIGHT.

The collector.

~ thedailydish ~ 9 Comments

I joke about being a pack rat. But this morning, after googling “pack rat” for pictures, I can safely say I AM NOT A PACK RAT. Dear Lord. If you can no longer see your floor for the mountain of clothing and debris, you need help. And quick! Before you are swallowed WHOLE.

SO. Instead of saying I am a pack rat – which I AM NOT – I will call myself a selective hoarder. Not quite the same level of commitment. Being a selective hoarder is sort of like being a secret drinker, but as I am open about my drinking, I favor STUFF instead of liquor. I stash it about the house, here and there. Tucked into little crevices, so neat and tidy you’d never suspect it’s lurking there behind that cupboard door. HAHAHAHAH!

Fortunately this hoarding compulsion really only translates to a few things. My kids, for instance. The walls of my office are lined with their drawings. I save school papers, scrawled messages, mementos. Birthday cards, locks of hair, teeth. I even have their umbilical stumps, like two dried-up raisins – why? Because. Boxes of old shoes and clothing line the walls of the attic. Even though I’ve given away a ton of it all, the collection still grows. We want more children!
I will NEED that stained, holey Purple Pony t-shirt some day. For this same reason I still have boxes of baby toys, 2 changing tables, cribs and an enormous plastic racing car bed. I am not sure how many more kids we’ll have, but it’s safe to say they’ll all have somewhere to sleep.

In addition, I retain paperwork. If we bought a small appliance 10 years ago, you can bet I have the manual sitting in a drawer somewhere. I have boxes of notebooks from high school, college, graduate school. Old report cards from junior high, paper awards from Highland Elementary. I have birthday cards I got when I was 15. Really. I’ve saved every letter, postcard, and greeting card I’ve been given the past 20 years. Our closets overflow w/ correspondence. I tell you, if I am ever famous I will be an archivist’s dream.

Against my will, I also collect plastic containers. I do not want to. But they only take #1 or 2 plastic in the recycling, and I feel guilty about tossing the others. On average, I eat two cups of yogurt a day. Our dog Max loves his Beneful meals, which (of course) come in these cute little lidded containers. I cook at home almost every day. Sour cream, cream cheese containers, foam packaging, all non-recyclable. I know the news is blathering on about the price of oil, BUT WHAT THE HELL are these manufacturers doing??! Putting all of this stuff in #5, 6, 7 plastic?? Wake UP AMERICA! This food isn’t coming from overseas. This is our shame, and all this trash is going back into the ground! What a waste. So much garbage. I HATE chucking these plastic things, but dammit my cabinets can only hold so much. I already have closets full of paper, where the hell can I stuff 35 jumbo yogurt tubs a month?? I will be buried in a mountain of plastic Stonyfield Farm containers when I die.

Now that The Daily Dish is on hold, I am spending time organizing my home. It is liberating being able to open up a closet and not have stuff fall down on top of me. And it is fun looking through old pictures. At this rate, my house will be so clean I’ll hardly believe it’s mine. But I know I not the only Collector out there. Tell me your secrets.