fun

Neat facts about polar bears & penguins.

~ thedailydish ~ 4 Comments

Last week I took my younger daughter to the Academy of Natural Sciences here in Philly. It is a nice museum. They have lots of old animals – some stuffed, some just bones. All very cool. They also have a new exhibit all about polar bears and penguins, appropriately called Ends of the Earth: From Polar Bears to Penguins. Since we were there on an afternoon, mid-week, we pretty much had the place to ourselves. Which was great. We got to try out all of the new exhibit stuff – lots of computer-interative features, quizzes, videos, and so on. They had a really neat game my daughter loved where you’d push a button and then hit light-up fish on a panel to reach a quota and “feed” your own baby penguin. We played against each other a couple times and of course I won. Mostly b/c I am 5 ft.10 and have super long arms, whereas my 4 yr old daughter is way short with short arms and the coordination of a 4 yr old. As the game is sort of like a light-up version of whack-a-mole (a game I rule as champion and always win at the carnivals), she was none too pleased, b/c she too enjoys a good mole whacking and is pretty darn competitive. Probably something to do with being a younger sibling. So afterward she asked me to join her and we won together, which was altogether more pleasant for her and still fun for me too.

At this new exhibit I learned a great many facts I was surprised I did not already know. I found this surprising since I consider myself a real naturalist type through and through, but who am I kidding. So I am here to tell you some of what I learned so that we may all be smarter together. Isn’t that nice? Yes it is.

Did you know that polar bears are not just big ass scary meat-eating creatures? Me neither. They also do have a gentler side. It is called being a Mommy polar bear. The Daddy polar bears are just the mean flesh-ripping fiercesome types you were imagining. But the moms are really nice – well at least to their young. And that is good. These nice polar bears (and the mean ones too) live only in the Arctic circle. That is at the North Pole for those of you not in the know, around Canada, Siberia, Greenland. Up north. Above here. I think those liars out there who talk about Santa Claus say he also lives at the north pole. But if that were true he would surely get eaten by a polar bear. B/c He is FAT. WAy fatter than those seals. And that huge red suit would just scream TENDER JUICY STEAK!! to a hungry polar bear. But we all know THERE IS NO SANTA. Oh, you didn’t? Oh. I am sorry. …Please stop crying.

Penguins only live in the southern hemisphere. WOW. I did not know this before I went to this exhibit. Sure I knew some penguins were from the southern part of South America – like the Humboldt penguins they have at the Philadelphia zoo, but for some reason the whole “they live ONLY in the Southern Hemisphere,” escaped me. the PAST 34 YEARS. Yes, I do feel dumb. If you think about it – it’s pretty simple. If they lived with the polar bears they would be completely wiped out by now. So they must live where there simply are no polar bears. They still have to contend with the insanely sinister sea lions, but no big furry white bears. Now I am smart.

Unfortunately I let my daughter talk me into taking the computerized knowledge quizzes before we had gone through much of the exhibit and of course I scored poorly. In fact, my daughter did better on those computer quizzes at the Academy of Natural Sciences than I did. And she is 4. I normally would have laughed and thought no more of it, EXCEPT THAT I CAUGHT the exhibit worker guy watching us and witnessing my stupidity. Initially I spied him standing behind us, then once he noticed I had noticed him watching he went and courteously stood behind a pole still watching, but at least being slightly more discreet. Not like when I caught my plumber checking out my butt – YEAH YOU KNOW HE WAS – but then he still charged us over $1800 and did not take off a deduction for his eyeball ass grabs, which you KNOW he should have. Anyway, the exhibit man came over to us later and was trying to explain some facts to me since he believed I was slow. Which I didn’t appreciate. When you have been outplayed on a quiz TWICE by a 4 yr old, an adult’s demoralizing condescension IS NOT WELCOME. Oh well. You will be glad to know I do not feel stupid anymore. Thanks to that great exhibit and the nosy exhibit guy, I will never forget the whole northern vs. southern hemisphere thing. And now, neither will you.

TAG! I’m it.

~ thedailydish ~ 8 Comments

I am totally winded from that game of tag. Yes, I know you ladies wanted the upper hand, but making me wear the blindfold was a bit much. Good thing you spent so much time laughing at me. HAHAHA. YES, I may have a weird ear disease, BUT I AM NOT DEAF.

1) You are going to be stranded, Survivor style, on a tropical island. You will have only the clothes on your back. Basic food & water will be provided. Name 3 things you would bring (and they cannot be PEOPLE).

Strictly practical. No. 4 SUNSCREEN. Cherry chapstick. A hairbrush.

2) Name one person (famous or not) you have a *secret crush* on and WHY.

Now that I know my husband is JUST WAITING to read this, my crush will have to remain a secret forever. for all of our safety. But for a famous guy I might pick Jason Bateman. We were watching Arrested Development last night and he is very cute. He is also very funny, which for me is just as important. And after bald men I like brown hair best. I also think I would like a grown-up version of Harry Potter. Then if the dementors show up to kiss out my soul, he can rescue me with his Stag petronas. So I will leave it at that.

3) What was the last thing you did before getting on the computer?

Installed a plush tree house for my bird. It looks like this:

She is not using it (of course) preferring instead to eat. Perhaps she will use it later.

4) Name one thing you are ashamed of about yourself.

I am acutely claustrophobic.

5) How long does it take you to get dressed in the morning? Outline your routine on a typical day. Feel free to mention name brand items you use – shampoos, soap, toothpaste, etc. for interest and character development.

Normally about 15 minutes; in the rare event I am leaving the house to go someplace fun (DATE NIGHT OUT!) then it may take me 30 minutes to choose an outfit & get dolled up, but that is a rarity. My regular routine is to wake up & brush teeth. I use Tom’s natural toothpaste b/c it doesn’t have chemical additives. Putz around the house for a while in my pjs, feed pets, update my website, check email. Decide it is finally *time* to get dressed. Take a shower. I mentally select an outfit while showering. I am not brand loyal (sorry Curly). We use whatever shampoo & conditioner I could find at the store not tested on animals b/c I cannot abide the thought of rabbits being blinded for the sake of my hair. NOTE: Target has a lousy selection of said products and they should be ashamed. I soap up with whatever soap we have purchased. I like Mysore sandal soap from the Indian grocery, I also use the white soap we have – I think it is Olay. I usually buy soap in bulk from BJs and choose whatever is cheap at the time. I do have very dry skin so I try to avoid deodorant soaps. My husband & I both use the same Dove deodorant which I put on before dressing. B/c he uses it too I always remember NOT to buy the fruity girly smelling scents. I do not want his coworkers thinking bad thoughts about my husband. After I get dressed, I put on a little makeup. All stuff you can buy at Target. I use tinted moisturizer, loose powder and (most days) mascara. Always cherry chapstick. I used to like mint chapstick really well but I never can find it. Did they stop making it? Perhaps someone could send me some if you find it. Last, I spritz myself with some expensive perfume – one of the non-cheap things I use. I have a variety of scents that I rotate so I always smell super. This description of getting dressed has taken me way longer to write and read than the process itself.

6) Since you all know I am food-obsessed, humor me by describing your last meal – if you could plan it.

My last meal would be buffet style b/c I love being able to eat 2 bites of 50 different things. I also like being able to get up and roam around whilst eating, b/c I bore so easily. My last meal buffet would include all of my favorite foods, and since I would be dead by dawn, for once in my life I wouldn’t have to worry about not eating salt. The food itself – too much to name. Suffice it to say the food and drink will be unforgettable and you will ALL BE INVITED.

7) What is your middle name? Does it have any significance?

My middle name is Angela. It has symbolic significance. My full name translates to “Angel of God.” NOT TOO SHABBY EH? I am glad I was not named chastity.

8) Name one thing you have always wanted but HAVE NEVER HAD.

A book deal.

9) How did you meet your spouse or s/o?

He used to work as a manager at a local indie video store & signed me up for an account when I came in. I had just driven an hour with the top down in my beloved former jeep and my hair was a MESS. He still came over to chat me up though. Either I am HOT or he was not too discriminating. As I was filling in my info on a clipboard, I looked up, we locked eyes and I KNEW HE WAS THE ONE. Love at first sight. Of course, he doesn’t remember the moment at all. Afterward, I would think about him all the time – even told my friends and family about THIS GUY I LIKED. But when I like a guy I am mortified being around them (fear of rejection) and so I was too embarrassed to go in and try talking to him. So I used my sister as a spy. Finally she tired of doing this – she was not interested in any of these video guys – and warned me that if I kept sending her in in my stead, he was going to think SHE LIKED HIM. I freaked, ran to the store. Walked in, made a beeline to one of the shelves. He came over w/in seconds to say hi, and The rest is history.

10) Tell me a joke. Pictures are acceptable.

The Nuclear Wave, courtesy of WTTF.

TAG! You’re it.

~ thedailydish ~ 9 Comments

I’ve decided to play a game of tag and am hereby calling 5 friends – Curly, Hayden, Laura, Daffy and OrSo to play with me. Ladies, below is a list of 10 questions. Please copy these questions, paste them into a new post on your own blog, then answer each in turn. I too will provide my own responses and post them first thing tomorrow morn. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR HUMORING ME.

1) You are going to be stranded, Survivor style, on a tropical island. You will have only the clothes on your back. Basic food & water will be provided. Name 3 things you would bring (and they cannot be PEOPLE).

2) Name one person (famous or not) you have a *secret crush* on and WHY.

3) What was the last thing you did before getting on the computer?

4) Name one thing you are ashamed of about yourself.

5) How long does it take you to get dressed in the morning? Outline your routine on a typical day. Feel free to mention name brand items you use – shampoos, soap, toothpaste, etc. for interest and character development.

6) Since you all know I am food-obsessed, humor me by describing your last meal – if you could plan it.

7) What is your middle name? Does it have any significance?

8) Name one thing you have always wanted but HAVE NEVER HAD.

9) How did you meet your spouse or s/o?

10) Tell me a joke. Pictures are acceptable.

I AM your own PERSONAL CUPID. I am serious.

~ thedailydish ~ 9 Comments

A couple days ago I posted about finding a bunch of vintage valentines at the thrift shop, and how I’d been struck by the sweetness of it all. Well – when I bought the whole big whopping sack of them, I suspected there were probably more than I could use, but I hadn’t realized precisely how many until I actually counted them last night. 65. WOW. That’s a lot of valentines. If I use one per year for the next 65 years, I’ll be dead before they are gone.

So I started thinking about My poor dead self – dead. and all those unsent valentines. Sitting unused in some dusty desk – or thrown out in the trash. Or recycled into new 2073 Valentines. And all those choice 1980s sentiments gone.

SO I thought about that for a while last night, while drinking my wine and watching Arrested Development. and noticing how unbelievably adorable Jason Bateman is and how young he looks, like he cannot possibly be 39 because he looks so great and so YOUNG and , and. wow. 65 valentines that is a lot. I could send them all out this year – you know carpe diem, SEIZE THE DAY and all that. It is Valentine’s Day after all and I am ALL ABOUT LOVE. But somehow I think it might be a bad idea for me to send 65 people suggestive cards suggesting that we get it on. What if they all showed up at the same time? That’s a lot of chex mix. Not to mention the fact that my husband is a very jealous man. Just look at him in this year’s Christmas photo.

There aren’t a lot of opportunities for a man to swing an axe living in the city.

So when my blog buddy Hayden commented yesterday asking where she could sign up for some cards – I thought hey, maybe I should do it. Maybe I SHOULD make some Valentine’s Day dreams come true -or at least make somebody’s V-day a whole lot funnier. We need more laughter these days.

Therefore I am officially making the offer to be YOUR OWN PERSONAL CUPID this Valentine’s season. I have 65 “new” (really vintage 1980s) Recycled Paper Products Inc. valentine cards up for grabs. Most of them involve risque humor, not ideal for grandma, kids, or your boss (unless of course you are sleeping with your boss), but some are okay for them too. You can click through and actually view the entire selection HERE. With the help of my husband above, who helped me ever-so-kindly scan them. If you find a card (or cards) that speaks to you, email and let me know. I will be happy to personalize it as instructed by you and mail it to the UNBELIEVABLY LUCKY recipient of your choice, or you can of course opt for poetic license and have me create my own imaginative greeting FOR YOU. Now we’re talking real FUN.

So, in summary, if you would like me to be YOUR OWN PERSONAL CUPID, simply CLICK HERE to select a card, email me with the Title, recipient info, etc. and I will be happy to make your Valentine’s day dreams come true. BUT HURRY – ONLY WHILE LIMITED SUPPLIES LAST!