fun

VErMoNT

~ thedailydish ~ 11 Comments

We are BACK! Oh. You didn’t know I was away? CAN’T YOU SEE MY TAN??? Well maybe it’s b/c this past weekend we went to VERMONT. I must have neglected to post that tasty morsel last week, that we were going away for the weekend. Probably a good thing – since my husband already thinks I share a little too much information here. But you & I both know, EVERYONE LOVES FEET!!

ANYWAY. We just got back from our lil trip up north.. to VErMoNT. YES I like the way I spelled it there. It’s hilly, see, just like the state. Our friends have a cabin in Wardsboro and b/c they are the best people on the face of the planet, they let us use it FREE OF CHARGE. I don’t know about you, but THAT is pretty much the greatest thing anyone’s ever done for me – apart from helping me give birth.

Anyway, we left Friday and just got back last night. I was feeling a little depressed on the car ride home. I always do. You see, I don’t just enjoy these little trips to Vermont. No. I secretly – but not-so-secretly LONG to live there. Forever. But just in the summer. The problem is, I love Vermont. But i love it when it is warm. When we can go skinny-dipping and run around outside w/out clothes on, and bask in the sun in our birthday suits, and – OH. I am sorry, I’d forgotten you were here – Vermont in the summer is BLISS. heaven on earth. But Vermont in the winter is. COLD. Damn cold. Snowy. Lots of snow on the ground. and in the air. and everywhere. And did I mention it’s freaking cold there. And winter lasts 9 months long. Unless you count mud season. Which sort of cuts into the 3 mos of “summer”. SIGH…..

Yes I have been drinking. Today is my mom’s birthday – LOVE YOU MOO!

And now I will outline for you the details of our trip.

The first day (Saturday) was gorgeous. In Philly I think it was 90 degrees with 300% humidity, but in southern Vermont it was BEAUTIFUL. Until of course it started HAILING. Hail the size of macaroons. IN AUGUST. Whoa. Way to keep me on my toes, you crazy State, you. People were pulled over on the sides of the road it was so damn bad. BUT WE DIDN’T LET THAT STOP US, NO SIRREE. We drove into Brattleboro. If you have never been to the Brat, then you really must go. Seriously. It is the only town where tie-dye is an official uniform. We ran into a woman in Sam’s (their super duper army-navy store) and she was either certifiably insane or whacked out of her mind on acid. I believe it was the latter. That is the Brat.

We went to the Retreat Farm. Although we have traveled extensively throughout Vermont, and have petted many an animal in many a Vermont Farm, we like the Retreat the BEST. It has undergone a significant change in the 2 yrs since we were there last. I will not go into the sordid details. but the cows are G-O-N-E. The Grafton Cheese Co. has now set up shoppe where the large Dairy Barn used to be. I miss the cows. But the cheese is delicious and the petting can’t be beat. The ladies BEEEEEGGGGGGEEDDD us to go there first – out of anywhere else in Vermont – b/c there, only there, can you pet and cuddle and love up as many baby chicks as your heart desires. YES IT IS THAT GREAT. If you are an animal lover and have never held a sweet baby chicky in your life, then you must get into your car and drive there IMMEDIATELY. Open Tues – Sat, 10- 4.

The next day, (Sunday). we went to Jamaica. Jamaica State PARK, in Jamaica, VT. YES THAT IS A FUNNY COINCIDENCE. Maddie said Oh this isn’t where people always come when they say they’re going to Jamaica? YES IT IS NICE BEING 8.

So we spent the entire day hiking. with our children. I cannot believe it either. That they finally have gotten to the age where I no longer have to tote them around like luggage. And it was AWESOME. We walked to Hamilton Falls, the highest waterfall in the state, and even though our legs nearly fell off on the way (I am kidding – we are used to walking the hell out of our legs), it was breathtaking. Dramatic. Over 10 people have died there swimming, and maybe more – we saw a couple show-offs but didn’t stick around to watch. Then we walked alllllll the waaaaaayyyy back down to the trail and allll the waaaaaayyyyy up to the tippeee top of Ball Mt Dam. Quite a hike. Even w/ the legs I am used to abusing, I was tired. The trail is easy to follow but it’s steep w/ crazy gravelly switchbacks. We saw 2 families mountain-biking their way out and were like WHAT THE HELL. I would NOT recommend MT biking there UNLESS YOU ARE INSANE OR WHACKED OUT ON ACID. I spied some sort of creature – we could not determine what – either a squat deer or some sort of under-colored bear – which leaped from the side of the path and fled up the mountain. It was the fastest thing I’ve ever espied. If it were bigger I’d swear it was BIG FOOT, but that’s just a story. RIGHT>?

The next day was MONDAY. We spent the whole heaping helping day o fun at BROMLEY. I told John, baby, if I could ski when it’s warm, you KNOW I WOULD LOVE IT. B/c being at a ski resort is a BLAST. Esp/ when it is sunny beautiful and you are sitting under a umbrella eating an ice cream cone w/ jimmies. Or flying down a mountain at warp speed on an alpine slide. Or both. Or going through a dark water slide tunnel getting splashed and hearing your kid scream in terror-stricken delight. Either way, I liked it and I wanna go back a 3rd time. Afterwards, we ate dinner at Candeleros in Manchester. A+ PS: Curly, I am VERY SORRY to say Mother Myrick’s is no longer in its old digs. It may be somewhere else but we could not find it anywhere in Manchester.

Finally Tuesday came round and we had to leave. I was sad. Not only had the weekend flown by, but the weekend had flown by, and we had to come back. To Philly. Don’t get me wrong. I love my hometown. But there’s something to be said for a cool mountain morning, being woken at 7 am by your neighbor chainsawing lumber for winter firewood, that makes you say, Ahhhhh. CLICK HERE for photos from the Green Mt state.

PS: CONNIE, JUST GOT THE SCARF AND it is FABBBBUUULLOUSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! I am in MUPPET LOVE. Not only does it smell like heaven but it makes me feel as snuggly as Miss Piggy wrapped in Kermit’s loving arms w/ Fonzie Bear, Gonzo & a cherry on top. YOU ARE TOO WONDERFUL. Thank you Thank you THANK YOU, you dear awesome wonderful friend. xoxoxoxoxo

Playmobil = best toys EVERRRRRR.

~ thedailydish ~ 15 Comments

Now that Maddie is WILD ABOUT BLOGGING, she’s encouraging me to post! As much as I enjoy blogging, I do have other stuff to do. However since today that “other stuff” means cleaning the house, who am I to argue? Welcome therefore to our *super special* joint post about PLAYMOBIL.

For those of you w/out children, Playmobil are toys. The coolest toys this side o’ paradise. In the past several months my kids have become addicted to all-things-Playmobil, and frankly – who can blame them?

Here are some of my favorites:

Guinea Pig Pen

BunnyLand Farm Set (is there anything cuter than a bunnyman w/ his own DEER??)

Hot Dog Cart Guy (w/ “authentic” weiners!)

BARBARIANS

Vulture Set w/ lifelike carrion

Months ago I posted about this little discovery for the criminally minded: SAFE CRACKERS.

Any company who goes into this much detail about every facet of life (criminal life included) gets my vote. That’s for sure. I am ALLLLLLL about realism. Even w/ my kids. No Stork Tales at our house, my friends! I haven’t checked, but I’d bet Playmobil’s even put together a true-to-life version of delivery, complete w/ little mommy and baby, placenta and cord. I’M SO THERE.

My daughters spend hours, and I mean hours, perusing the Playmobil site, gazing in wonder at all of their amazing toys, and compiling list after wish list of sets they would like to buy when they earn enough allowance. Daily they ask me, Mommy, how much have I earned so far?? Can I afford such-and-such? To which I reply, I don’t know. I am not sure. Save_your_money.

It’s not that I begrudge them these wonderful toys – b/c they are indeed awesome and make me want to play w/ them as much as my kids. It’s just that their Playmobil obsession just happens to conveniently coincide w/ my current lessons on financial independence. I just instituted weekly “chores” and remuneration for good works. So how am I supposed to drill into my daughters the value of hard work and saving, the importance of managing money well, when all they want to do is spend it as quickly as they earn it??

Oh well. They are young. Life is for fun. And BOY will we have a WHOPPING WORLD OF FUN!!!!! playing w/ all our their new Playmobil sets!!!!! Pssst. Don’t tell them I said so.

Monday morning cuteness: ZIGGY & PEPPER

~ thedailydish ~ 11 Comments

I DARE YOU to BEHOLD THE CUTENESSSSS!!!!!!!!!

ZIGGY and PEPPER. Ziggy’s the fuzzy peach tabby on the left and Pepper’s the lil sleepy gray girl on the right. The blonde one in the middle is of course my older daughter Maddie.

Our good friend Erika found the kittens (along w/ the rest of the litter) about 2 wks ago, abandoned in a park near her home. And…. what sick sonnavabitch can RESIST A KITTEN. NOT ME!!!! OF COURSE NOT. My husband insists we are simply “fostering” them.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHH!

Who’s he kidding? They’re ours for keeps. no give backs.

Pudding Butt the Cat

~ thedailydish ~ 5 Comments

Once upon a time, in the town right next to yours, there lived the fattest cat in the history of the world, and his name was Pudding Butt. Now when I say Pudding Butt was big, I don’t just mean big – I mean BIG. He was so fat that had to sleep in a Rubbermaid plastic tub instead of a cat bed. He weighed nearly 45 lbs.

Pudding Butt was a glutton. But he was a glutton for one thing only. Pudding. Tapioca, to be exact. Pudding Butt just couldn’t get enough of it. Morning, noon & night the cat craved Tapioca. His momma kept it in little plastic pudding cups tucked in every cabinet of the kitchen. But it still wasn’t enough.

One morning, Pudding Butt woke up hungry. He always woke up hungry. And so he yawned and stretched and smacked his little (big) Pudding Butt lips, and waddled into the kitchen for breakfast.

MEOW, he called to his momma. Which meant, “Hey Lady, get me some Pudding. Right NOW.”

His momma looked at Pudding Butt with worried eyes. “Oh, sweetums, I spoke with your doctor this morning. Remember last week when I took you to the vet? Well, your test results came back and [GULP] you have a little bit of a… weight issue.”

MEOW, said Pudding Butt. Which meant, “Really. That’s great, now get me my PUDDING.”

“So, ummmm, anyway poopsie, you’re going to have to go on a diet. Starting today. No more tapioca for you, my furry little man.” And his momma took a carrot out of the crisper bin and dropped into Pudding Butt’s dish.

MEEEEEOOOW ???

Pudding Butt just looked at the carrot, and looked at his momma. Back and forth, back and forth. Until, sensing no forthcoming pudding, he turned tail, disgusted, and squeeeeeeeezed himself through his dog-sized cat door.

And so Pudding Butt began to walk, albeit very slowly, dragging his massive blimp-like middle along the ground. Fortunately for Pudding Butt, he’d only gone a block before he picked up the scent. The scent of… PUDDING!

HOLY MOLEY! thought Pudding Butt, and he began to trot a little faster. Sniff-sniff-sniffing the air with eager interest. The trail led him to the rear of a nondescript house, and up to the window ledge of what appeared to be the kitchen. With quite a bit of doing, Pudding Butt heeeeeeaved himself up to the ledge and peered through the dusty window. The room was spacious and filled – and I mean FILLED – with pudding. Big cups, little cups, huge institutional-sized cans of it, stocked floor to ceiling with no room in between. And sandwiched inside this pudding cocoon, there sat a man. The biggest man he’d ever seen. He wore a stained and yellowed t-shirt emblazoned with “PUDDING EATING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD” and was hunched over an open tub of tapioca.

This vast ocean of pudding belonged to none other than Pudding Baxter Jones, the pudding-eating champion of the world. But Pudding Jones had grown disillusioned with the world of competitive eating, which he felt had become too much of a commercial enterprise, and so he had retired to live the quiet life of a once world champion.

Pudding Jones sat eating eagerly, hungrily, totally transfixed, like he’d been trapped on a deserted island for months and just found his way home. He stopped occasionally to breathe and look around the room at all of his unopened pudding. Pudding Butt, being an animal, had the ability to read human emotions with just a glance. And what Pudding Butt sensed was an intense loneliness. Almost palpable, like the big gaping hole of hunger gnawing inside his belly at that very moment. And so Pudding Butt did what came naturally.

MEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW. Which meant, “COME HERE RIGHT NOW, YOU BIG HANDSOME BEAST. INVITE ME IN TO YOUR PUDDING FEAST!!!”

Pudding Jones, upon hearing this loud call, looked up and locked eyes with the cat. And never, in all the history of the world, was there ever a truer or more sincere case of love at first sight. Pudding Jones had never beheld such a beautiful creature in his life! He rushed over to the window and threw it open wide, exclaiming, “MY FRIEND!!!” To which Pudding Butt replied, MEOW. Which meant, “Home Sweet Home.”

Ideas to keep your kid/s from driving you crazy.

~ thedailydish ~ 11 Comments

What do you mean, Where the hell have I been?? I don’t get to go to the bathroom alone anymore, let alone blog about it. Yes, I know I have not been blogging. I am sorry. I do care about you all, but refereeing between my daughters has to take precedence. To be blunt. These kids is driving me CRAZY! The fact that we haven’t had a car in 2 weeks b/c the auto body shoppe is holding ours hostage has only compounded matters. I love walking. A damn good thing. B/c now I am accustomed to walking long distances w/out rest, whilst pushing a shopping cart, holding 2 hands & balancing my sanity on a dime.

I’m hot. I’m thirsty. I’m hungry. I have to pee. I’m tired of walking. My stomach hurts. Mommy, why do people fart?

Yes, of course I explained about flatulence. But that only took so long. Leaving me plenty of time to devise a few diversionary tactics to keep my kids entertained while we hike across town.

1) Make up games. Your kids will LOVE THIS.

Our favorite is the super duper ANIMAL GAME.

It’s easy. One person starts. They think of an animal, and say “I’m thinking of an animal that…” and then you offer a single clue. Location, type, color, starts w/ a certain letter. You catch my drift.

I’m thinking of an animal that lives in Africa.

Each person gets a turn guessing. Zebra. Elephant. Lion.

If no one has guessed it, then you offer a second clue. Another round of guesses. And so on. The person who guesses the animal first gets to go next.

This is my daughters favorite game EVERRRRRRR. And when you get tired of animals, you can change it to anything. I like Food. I’m thinking of a food that used to be alive. And so on. But you can do anything. Trust me, this game keeps them entertained for AGES> THANK GOD.

2) Make up stories.

I have a million stories rolling round in my head, so I just pull one out. But even if you aren’t one of the Bros Grimm, you can still come up w/ SOMETHING. Where are you? Look around and make something up. My daughters fixate on animals. They give these animals funny names and make them do stuff. My older daughter told a really good one today about Bob & Phil the fat fish who went into a “Shrimp & Pancakes” restaurant and were being scoped out by the eel cook as potential dinner. My younger daughter came up w/ Bob the Hedgehog likes to eat poop. Just go w/ it. I tell you, when I make up a story, whatever it’s about, my ladies hang onto every word. They become so engrossed in the moment, they totally forget about how tired/bored/hungry/irritable they were.

3) Tell them true stories.

Think about things you have read, and talk about it. Or better yet, tell them about things you did when you were little. Tell them about things THEY DID when they were little. My girls cannot get enough of this. Daddy, tell us about when your foot got run over. Mommy, tell us how that crazy squirrel got into your apartment. It never gets old. My younger daughter loves to regale us about “That one time I peed in my bed.” YES SHE IS REALLY INTO BODILY FUNCTIONS RIGHT NOW. But.. As long as it’s about you – or them – or something remotely interesting – they will be happy. And so will you.

4) Sing songs.

One word: BINGO. Old MacDonald. The farmer in the dell. Three Blind Mice. CMON PEOPLE, You have to know at least a few. And when you tire of those (b/c you know you will), do like we do and make them up. We came up w/ a great song last week about a dead rat we saw in the street, it was called Flat Rat. That song lasted us at least half a mile. Perhaps the greatest children’s song ever.