Jealousy.

SO.  I’m standing in the kitchen this morning, enjoying a nice banana scone, when in walks my blog.  He looks awful and he smells even worse, like he’s been up half the night drinking.  He looks at me and announces in a wounded voice that we’re 2 weeks into the new year and – he says – I’ve done just one post.

YES!  I retort, but Interview with a Roller Girl wasn’t some slapdash diatribe regaling the world w/my favorite choice of deodorant (cucumber green tea); it was THOUGHT PROVOKING STUFF.  With formatting, photos and everything.

He scoffs, and proceeds to tell me that my friend Kim did most of the work.  Then he helps himself to the last scone.

I am stunned.  THE LAST SCONE?!  Now that’s going a bit too far.  I grab him by the arm of his dirty shirt and toss him out into the snow.  Deaf to his screams of LET ME BACK IN YOU SELF-ABSORBED MORON! I lean against the counter and think…

Hmmm..  I have been spending a lot of time lately with his brother.  Why, just this morning, when I wrote that banana scone recipe, I did find myself lingering..

BUT. can you blame me?  I mean, seriously.  I’m only human.

And then all at once – it dawns on me.  He’s jealous!  My blog! after all these years..  He’s feeling NEEDY.  While whiling away the hours with his brother, whipping up intoxicating creations for the salt deprived, my poor blog is.. Lonely.  Oh, the poor guy.

It’s not that I never think of him – I DO!  It’s just that I’ve been SO BUSY!  Cooking it up every day with his brother takes a lot out of a girl.  Yes that sounds bad, I admit, but.. I assure you it’s innocent.  Plus, there’s been the new puppy. Taking care of her has been totally absorbing, and  – What do you mean, what do I mean? Roxy.  The puppy.  The NEW PUPPY.  Oh?  I didn’t tell you?  (awkward)

(sound of crickets chirping)

Sooo, here’s Roxy!

No, not last week.  It’s been um.. more like a month.  Sorry about that.  I did post it on the OTHER Daily Dish.  So.  Yep…..

Okay.  I get it.  I understand.  My blog is tired of feeling sloughed off like an unwanted heel callous.  You know what?  I love my blog.  Even though I’ve been distracted, and haven’t been as attentive as in the past, that doesn’t mean I’ve forsaken him.  Like most marriages, this relationship between me & the blog is.. well, it’s special.  So I am resolving that this new year we start fresh.  I may have temporarily forgotten what it’s like to woo, but that doesn’t mean I can’t court with the best of them.  I can!  I CAN!  Blog baby, it’s gonna be different this year.  More daily contact — REALLY!  I’ll even take my socks off before touching your keyboard — b/c 2011, it’s all about YOU.

When Life Hands You Lemons

When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Lemonade. We’ve all heard the phrase.  But how many times do we put it into practice?  Do we throw our hands in the air when things go sour, or do we use those hands to take action?  Lord knows I fall short of the mark; I’ll be the first to complain when I feel like c-r-a-p. But occasionally I manage to make use of what the Big Guy has given me.  And these times, above all else, are the true triumphs of my life.

I am someone who has been dealt both a fabulous as well as difficult hand, not unlike most people. Although blessed beyond measure with an amazing family and friends, fed, clothed and most days happy, I struggle with a disease that often has no rhyme or reason. When I was diagnosed with Meniere’s 6 years ago and put on a salt free diet, I thought okay. I will deal. But that acceptance quickly dissolved into anger, frustration and resentment. I felt as though I’d been cursed.  Thankfully, instead of giving up and accepting LIFE WOULD SUCK, I sucked it up and spit it out.  I already had the skills to solve the problem, I just had to DO IT.  And thus this blog and its twin (The Daily Dish) were born.

When my dog Max died a month ago, it was like I’d aged 10 years overnight. My world seemed fractured. I knew before he passed how much his loss would eventually affect me, when it came, but until it actually happened I’d never have expected its depth. In the past weeks I’ve tried to figure out where to go from here. It can never be the same, but should we get another dog? We tried. I’ll spare you the gory details, suffice it to say, we adopted an adult dog who was with us a mere night before return, leaving me to accept we’ll have to get a puppy if we get another dog at all. My kids & their safety, no matter what, come first.

Do you ever feel like you’re trying to squeeze a cantaloupe into a coffee mug?  No matter how hard you try to make it fit, it ends up exploding in your face, sending seeds and soggy pulp everywhere.  So you clean it up.  And try again. and again.  Regardless of how impossible the task is, you don’t give up.  Friends, I’m here to tell you to PUT THE F*CKING FRUIT DOWN ALREADY.  Sometimes it isn’t meant to be.  And other times, you can’t see the answer staring you in the face b/c you’re too covered in melon guts.

The past few weeks have been like that.  Trying to shove a big ole melon into a tiny glass.  I spent hours glued to Petfinder.  Checking Craigslist.  Cruising websites looking for the PERFECT DOG.  But you know what?  He’s dead.  Gone.  I know, I know.  Cut myself some slack already, but it’s true.  I was so intent on finding the way out of my grief, I failed to see what I was doing wasn’t helping.  It just made me miss Max more.

Two nights ago, I found the answer.  I guess I shouldn’t fault myself for checking Craigslist obsessively, b/c that’s where I found it.  I saw a post about a puppy and automatically clicked it.  But it wasn’t about re-homing said puppy (and trust me, this whole ‘re-homing’ business & its accompanying fees is another blog post altogether) but rather about finding this puppy a SITTER.  Hmmm.  If you can hear the gears turning, then BOY ARE YOU RIGHT.  This person has a young puppy and needs to find someone to watch said puppy during the week while they are away at work.  Said puppy is cute, and small, and furry, and loving and Oh By the way, You get paid to watch the puppy.  CHA-CHING!

As someone who is home full time, needs money and is in desperate need of dog, I wiped the melon pulp from my face and replied.  And guess what?  They wrote me back.  And said I sound perfect.  And you know what?  I wrote them back and hopefully this (now clean and illuminated) soul sitting before you will be squeezing lemons and soon, making lemonade.  With a puppy on her lap.

Dear friends & loyal readers,

I’ve spent today painting, and while I am painting my mind has a tendency to wander.  I think about all sorts of things.  What I can make for dinner that will not lead my children to complain.  Whether the *YOU KNOW WHAT* I am getting *YOU KNOW WHO* for Christmas will arrive in time.  Whether that one freak hair on my upper lip has grown so long it needs plucking.  Not my very deepest thoughts, but the tedium does inspire in its own way.  And so this morning it occurred to me, that although you know about my moving from Philly to Portland, and about my buying a house a couple months ago, I have disclosed very little – if anything – about the house I now call home.  This thought was so striking to me I actually stopped what I was doing and sat there pondering for a moment.  How ironic, I thought to myself.  Especially in light of the fact that this house is so all-consuming I do very little else other than tend to it.  Especially in light of the fact that I was PAINTING THE WOODWORK of said house at that exact moment.  Something I have been doing for the past – oh, six weeks.

I have therefore decided to do a few things.  First, I am going to start talking about my house and the work my husband & I are doing to restore it.  I am going to start documenting projects, in hope of assisting other people interested in the same things.  And I am going to re-energize myself, my writing and this blog by trying to post something every day.  This is The Daily Dish, after all.  Whether I can accomplish all this in an entertaining manner remains to be seen.  But I vow to try my best.