Did you know that in addition to being a low-sodium foodie, I also play CUPID to people from around the globe? It’s true! Sort of like Santa but with a far smaller suit, I spread my love of LOVE worldwide, thanks to the wonders of technology.
If you’re looking for a stellar gift for your sweetie/s this Valentine’s Day, have I got a treat for you!
Before Christmas, my friend Katie profiled an artist named Liesi on her blog. Liesi makes one-of-a-kind needlepoint creations and had recently finished her first embroidered portrait. Isn’t it cute?!
I emailed Liesi then and there, asking whether she’d be interested / able to complete a commissioned portrait before the holidays. Her answer? YES!
Yesterday, amid snow filled skies, a group of friends gathered to celebrate the union of two very much in love stuffed animals.
A marvelous time was had by all and the ceremony got me thinking about love. Isn’t it amazing how two different species of stuffed animals can come together to form a perfect union? I know some folks are really adamant about who can & cannot commit to one another, but really, who are we to judge the love a chickie can feel for a bunny, and vice versa? Or, say. the attraction a Buffalo can feel for a Donkey? Because surely you haven’t forgotten about MY FRISKY COOKIES??!
YES FRIENDS! hard to believe they’re STILL humping after all these years!! (But not as hard for us as for that donkey.)
Click to relive the magic (really, just read the original blog posts)
December 2007. Donkey & Buffalo find each other in a crowded tub of crackers.
January 2008. Donkey & Buffalo remain “attached at the hip”
February 2011. Three years later ….. and STILL GOING STRONG!
As if their long lasting interlocked state wasn’t evidence enough, I have further proof that the Donkey & Buffalo’s inter-species love is here to stay. Dear reader. What I have to show you may be shocking, but remember, it is NATURAL. Earlier this afternoon, when I fetched my animal crackers from their special box, they…. weren’t alone.
BEHOLD!!!!!
Animal Cracker —- OFFSPRING!!!!!!!!
The Donkey & Buffalo’s union has produced a (I don’t know what to call it) just in time for the grandaddy of all Love Ins, Valentine’s Day. Though he looks a little funny, his legs are a bit twisted and he appears to be moving forward and backward simultaneously, you cannot dispute the look of sheer unbridled JOY on the (whatever it is)’s face. DON’T JUDGE!!!! LOVE CONQUERS ALL
SO. To all you naysayers. I say PPpFFFFFFTTTTTT.
Two years ago, I found a stack of unused 1980s valentine cards at a thrift shop. Most were silly, stupid and/or downright risque. In short..
In the spirit of fun, I bought the cards and then offered them for free via this blog. Somewhat surprisingly, people responded; a few very enthusiastically. Just before Valentine’s Day 2008, I sat down and wrote out a bunch of cards. Some with personal greetings, some with “secret admirer,” all very sweet. Although I’d never met ANY of these people (or their loved ones), it didn’t seem to matter. I was acting as Cupid, spreading LOVE. In retrospect, I think it was one of the craziest, most memorable Valentine’s stunts any of us ever pulled. Last year (2009), I wanted to play Cupid, but my family & I were in the throes of a big move. This year (2010), I’m Baaaaaack.
Here is the remaining selection. Yes they are memorable. Especially the one w/ the nerdy guy which reads (and I quote): “Because you let me play with your boobs.” No I am not joking.
If you aren’t scared and running would like me to send a valentine to your special someone:
1. Click through the cards above. If any of them speaks to you, call a doctor IMMEDIATELY.
2. Then leave a comment below. I have 35 cards left. You may want to pick a couple just to make sure you get something you like. Or let ME pick for you. Remember. I am a professional! PS: Don’t forget your email!
3. I will contact you directly to make arrangements. If I get 35 responses, EVERYONE WINS! If I get no response, the (poor sad dejected) cards will return to the drawer from whence they came. Till next year.
4. Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.
5. I’ll be taking comments now through February 10th 2010 (or until all cards are claimed). Good luck! xo
So how was your Valentine’s Day?? I have to say, I am feeling a little depressed this morn. It inevitably happens after a big holiday – I get sooooo EXCITED and then it comes and then it is gone. Way too fast. This feeling probably hits most people following Christmas – I know my mom gets it pretty bad, the blues, the doldrums, but for me, it’s Valentine’s Day. Oh well. I hope everyone had a terrific time yesterday. And I hope many of you got the Valentine’s cards on time. I have been thinking about that a lot. It was a relief knowing at least one arrived safely – Thanks Hayden. Really hope that tongue thing worked out for you.
WELL since I’ve been harping on Valentine’s Day Lo these many weeks, I thought you’d all enjoy hearing a bit about what I actually did.. SO HERE GOES.
My Official V-DAY Preparations began weeks ago (yeah, I CAN SEE you eye-rollers out there) with an initial trip to Target. They have those $1 bins of holiday-themed stuff in the front of the store, and for Valentine’s Day there were lots of frogs & chihuahuas. Neither of which makes me think of love, but were very cute nonetheless. So I got Post-it notes with the frog prince & socks with chihuahua cupids. Valentine’s Day candy. Gift bags. Headbands. All adorable. They seem to stock these $1 bins with the sort of stuff you will eventually use, so you don’t feel too guilty buying it. Because it’s only a DOLLAR after all. But it always makes me wonder – all this stuff coming from China that costs $1 and looks a whole lot better than $1, I wonder how much the person who manufactured it actually earned. Even a cent? How the hell could they possibly pay a living wage to the people making this and sell it so damn cheap? And then I feel guilty. TERRIBLY guilty. and I try not to think more on that b/c I l have filled my cart. And I know that I suck as I wheel it to the checkout. And as I place those bullseye bags in my trunk I feel an ache deep in my soul which begs to be held. Like that man who earned just 17 cents for the whole lot of it.
MAN. I feel really depressed now. And It’s only 9AM. Too early for wine. I have to go raid my kids chocolates. I’ll be back in a minute…
*****TIME PASSES*****
Okay. SO weeks ago I saw this stuff and even though it was early, like the first or second week of January, I thought WOW.this stuff is super cute and so cheap! I have to stock up. I will stash it away for the ladies for Valentine’s Day. And so I did, I got a whole bunch of stuff, and even though my younger daughter was with me, I knew she would forget. It must be fun being 4.
So I got cards and candy and a bunch of other heart-themed merchandise and when I got home I hid it. Several weeks later, I was at Target again, and I noticed how picked over everything was. They still had some stuff, but no where NEAR the selection they’d had just after Christmas. This is the reason why you need to buy early, to get the good pickins. So seeing the picked over less-good pickins reminded me of what I’d already bought. Unfortunately, sometimes I forget, like when we went to Atlanta for the holidays, and Christmas morning we’re opening presents and I realized that the Vince Guaraldi CD we’d gotten my dad was actually at home in the closet. Then I had to mail it with his birthday presents a couple weeks later, and I felt a little silly b/c it was a Christmas album.
Anyway, I remembered I’d already bought a bunch of stuff, and was very happy (even though now thinking about it I am way sad and don’t think I will ever buy anything from those $1 bins – or the dollar store, come to think of it, ever EVER again. and that poor man, he is probably supporting his extended family of 15 on that cruel unfair salary, living in a waterless thatched hut next to the town garbage dump. While those stupid corporate execs at Target are living in fat plush mansions, with gold-lined toilets, drinking espressos and eating $400 steaks. Those rat bastards. And that poor man. That poor, poor man……BOY……I am so depressed. I need more chocolate. Be right back.)
*****TIME PASSES*****
SO I AM truly crazy about Valentine’s Day!!!! I have no idea why I am this way, but it’s like Christmas & Easter excitement to me, all mashed together and sprinkly with a heaping helping of hearts. I know I am a truly hopeless romantic.
My day started out like any other Valentine’s Day should – in bed next to my main squeeze. Unfortunately both of the kids were there too, having woken us @ 6 AM jumping up and down yelling HAPPY VALENTINES (YO!). When I finally extracted myself from warm covers & their grasping paws, I enjoyed a nice breakfast. And on Valentine’s Day, even my cereal says “ROMANCE”.
The remainder of the morning was consumed orchestrating my SURPRISE V-Day treat for said main squeeze. I had a covert operation going with 2 of his coworkers, little did he know.. So after stops at SEVEN (count em SEVEN) different stores, I had everything I needed. I had already gotten the rest of the things from another 3 stores in the weeks before. Including Target. SIGH……………………….. [Reaching for the chocolates.]
SO WHAT DID I TAKE HIM??! I know you are all wondering, particularly in light of all the wonderful & marvelous suggestions I’d already offered on my great big list of creative, thoughtful & CHEAP Valentine’s ideas. WELL, I made him two gift bags. In one I assembled an array of presents, and in the other I brought him a special gourmet lunch. But the gift-giving didn’t stop there. Oh no. For the past 2 weeks I have been working on a little covert operation of my own, code name: heart pillows. You see, after wracking my brains for days and days, trying to think of how to out-do my past V-Day extravaganzas, I decided I was going to make each of my three beloveds a pillow. But not just any pillow. I was going to make themed pillows of love, dedicated to each of them exclusively. I initally thought I would make square pillows, emblazoned with each of their portraits, cut out of fabric or felt and stitched on. But when I got to IKEA (that magical store I had decided to purchase pillow fixins from), I spied the most perfectly PERFECT & enchanting pillows ever. Big fat soft red hearts with crazy arms sticking out each side. WOW. I KNEW these were IT. So I bought three – and at JUST $9.99 each, a super cheap bargain. I will not think about how they got such a super cheap bargain right now b/c I have already had to let my pants out from all the chocolates. I feel confident that IKEA paid those pillow seamstresses a just wage and they are all living in penthouses or at least apartments with clean running water. So I am not thinking of that anymore – nah-nah-nah-nah-nah I can’t hear you bad thoughts..Now I will describe what I did to these pillows.
SO I went to the craft store and bought an array of multi-colored felt and fleece sheets, some shiny embroidery thread, and several beaded felt hearts. I brought all of this home, and then periodically, over the course of the next couple weeks, when no one was looking, I would break all of it out, put on heavy rock music and start sewing. It was hard to do – not only b/c it was very labor-intensive work, but b/c my time is consumed so many other ways. Blogging, cooking, photographing, wiping up bird poo, mothering, cleaning. Plus I like to read and drink wine and watch TV. Sometimes I even shower and get dressed and leave the house. So I am usually pretty darn busy – so making these fabulous pillows took quite a bit of doing. BUT I DID IT! And here’s how they turned out:
ANd everybody LOVED them!! And they were so SURPRISED!! I am so glad they didn’t look under the bed, b/c that’s where I’d been hiding everything during the ‘making of’ process. I had to stow them in one of those huge blue IKEA bags, but they didn’t quite fit:
That doesn’t look too good.
ANYWAY, last night we enjoyed an absolutely decadent meal of crab legs, shrimp, and bread from Metropolitan bakery. Then we drank champagne, (the kids had Boylans sodas – a real treat for them b/c we don’t usually drink soda) and we all ate the chocolate chip cheesecake I’d made earlier in the day. And even though I really am NOT a fan of cheesecake I have to say it was AMAZING and I could have eaten the whole thing myself. I was feeling a bit of a pig. But I cut myself off after two pieces. So we all watched Survivor – our family favorite! Then put the kids to bed and we decided to watch Lost. What a mistake. Is it just me or does anyone else feel that Lost has become an hour-long tease, sandwiched between the most irritating and/or offensive and/or downright fool stupid commercials? I am tired of the whole drawn out process of watching this show unfold. I like long & drawn out but where is the damn black smoke and the polar bears and the crazy ass forest whispers? I don’t give a crap about Benjamin Linus. Ooooohhh scary. This show – I feel like they’re just making it up each week as they go along, trying to keep us in the dark. It is very annoying. PLUS those horrible commercials. I feel like I am being pummeled by a pharmaceutical pusher – I don’t HAVE ALLLERGIES – and then when they busted out “Viva Viagra” I nearly turned the set off. Have you heard of TOO MUCH INFORMATION? Listen, if you can’t maintain erection and have to take a pill, fine. But when they have to warn you in the commercial that “You must see a doctor to see if your heart is strong enough for sexual activity” I am thinking maybe you as a 69 year old man shouldn’t be dating a lusty 25 year old. Seriously. No offense but she’s your granddaughter for pete’s sake. Talk about putting a dampener on my own libido. SIGH…… [Reaching for chocolates].