I get a lot of hits on this blog. Some of you visiting are my friends and family, but others of you are strangers desperate for answers. Whether you’ve found me through a google search, or have clicked through from The Daily Dish, it is for you that I write this post. You have been drawn here b/c you, like me, suffer from Meniere’s Disease.
I don’t talk about Meniere’s very often, mostly b/c it’s so damn depressing, but today I am breaking the silence. Yesterday the dizziness came out of nowhere. One minute I was fine, the next – nearly on the floor. Why? Good question. It could be a myriad of things, from food to motion to emotion. But often it’s simply a change in the weather. Barometric pressure can do funny things to a girl. And as fun as it might sound to be a human barometer, it’s really not. Right now I am practically strapped to my chair. I walk the hallway, steadying myself with the walls. Living w/ Meniere’s Disease is a literal roller coaster, and most often I try to ignore it away. But today I can’t. On days like this, the best I can do is stay calm.
What is it like, one of these episodes? Well. For me, they vary. Take today. I feel dizzy. Unbelievably so. There’s an intense pressure in my head, which gets worse if I move a certain way, or stiffen up, or cough or sneeze or chew – or pretty much do anything. I feel like a top that’s been wound too tight, about to spiral off into the universe. I am trapped inside my own body. Like a prisoner, I have no control. So here I sit. Feeling sorry for myself. I know these episodes pass. It’s not forever. But it’s hard to reason w/ yourself when you’re feeling so bad. Today it’s the dizziness. Other times, it’s my hearing. First comes the pressure. I try to coax my ear from its hissy fit. With increasing desperation, I try to keep it open. I pop it, over and over.. but it’s no use. Soon my ear closes off to the world. The tinnitus grows, my hearing recedes. Once again, I am half-deaf. I am alone again, inside.
The doctors try, but they can’t do anything for me. Really. It’s amazing how medicine has made such strides, but so much remains unknown. I get very philosophical when I’m like this. Forgive me. But I can’t stop thinking about it all.