silliness

Jealousy.

~ thedailydish ~ Leave a comment

SO.  I’m standing in the kitchen this morning, enjoying a nice banana scone, when in walks my blog.  He looks awful and he smells even worse, like he’s been up half the night drinking.  He looks at me and announces in a wounded voice that we’re 2 weeks into the new year and – he says – I’ve done just one post.

YES!  I retort, but Interview with a Roller Girl wasn’t some slapdash diatribe regaling the world w/my favorite choice of deodorant (cucumber green tea); it was THOUGHT PROVOKING STUFF.  With formatting, photos and everything.

He scoffs, and proceeds to tell me that my friend Kim did most of the work.  Then he helps himself to the last scone.

I am stunned.  THE LAST SCONE?!  Now that’s going a bit too far.  I grab him by the arm of his dirty shirt and toss him out into the snow.  Deaf to his screams of LET ME BACK IN YOU SELF-ABSORBED MORON! I lean against the counter and think…

Hmmm..  I have been spending a lot of time lately with his brother.  Why, just this morning, when I wrote that banana scone recipe, I did find myself lingering..

BUT. can you blame me?  I mean, seriously.  I’m only human.

And then all at once – it dawns on me.  He’s jealous!  My blog! after all these years..  He’s feeling NEEDY.  While whiling away the hours with his brother, whipping up intoxicating creations for the salt deprived, my poor blog is.. Lonely.  Oh, the poor guy.

It’s not that I never think of him – I DO!  It’s just that I’ve been SO BUSY!  Cooking it up every day with his brother takes a lot out of a girl.  Yes that sounds bad, I admit, but.. I assure you it’s innocent.  Plus, there’s been the new puppy. Taking care of her has been totally absorbing, and  – What do you mean, what do I mean? Roxy.  The puppy.  The NEW PUPPY.  Oh?  I didn’t tell you?  (awkward)

(sound of crickets chirping)

Sooo, here’s Roxy!

No, not last week.  It’s been um.. more like a month.  Sorry about that.  I did post it on the OTHER Daily Dish.  So.  Yep…..

Okay.  I get it.  I understand.  My blog is tired of feeling sloughed off like an unwanted heel callous.  You know what?  I love my blog.  Even though I’ve been distracted, and haven’t been as attentive as in the past, that doesn’t mean I’ve forsaken him.  Like most marriages, this relationship between me & the blog is.. well, it’s special.  So I am resolving that this new year we start fresh.  I may have temporarily forgotten what it’s like to woo, but that doesn’t mean I can’t court with the best of them.  I can!  I CAN!  Blog baby, it’s gonna be different this year.  More daily contact — REALLY!  I’ll even take my socks off before touching your keyboard — b/c 2011, it’s all about YOU.

Simply irresistible.

~ thedailydish ~ Leave a comment

Two years ago, I found a stack of unused 1980s valentine cards at a thrift shop.  Most were silly, stupid and/or downright risque.  In short..

SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLE!!

In the spirit of fun, I bought the cards and then offered them for free via this blog.  Somewhat surprisingly, people responded; a few very enthusiastically.  Just before Valentine’s Day 2008, I sat down and wrote out a bunch of cards.  Some with personal greetings, some with  “secret admirer,” all very sweet.  Although I’d never met ANY of these people (or their loved ones), it didn’t seem to matter.  I was acting as Cupid, spreading LOVE.  In retrospect, I think it was one of the craziest, most memorable Valentine’s stunts any of us ever pulled.  Last year (2009), I wanted to play Cupid, but my family & I were in the throes of a big move.  This year (2010), I’m Baaaaaack.

Here is the remaining selection.  Yes they are memorable.  Especially the one w/ the nerdy guy which reads (and I quote): “Because you let me play with your boobs.”  No I am not joking.

If you aren’t scared and running would like me to send a valentine to your special someone:

1. Click through the cards above.  If any of them speaks to you, call a doctor IMMEDIATELY.

2. Then leave a comment below.  I have 35 cards left.  You may want to pick a couple just to make sure you get something you like.  Or let ME pick for you.  Remember. I am a professional!  PS: Don’t forget your email!

3. I will contact you directly to make arrangements.  If I get 35 responses, EVERYONE WINS!  If I get no response, the (poor sad dejected) cards will return to the drawer from whence they came. Till next year.

4. Everybody have fun tonight.  Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

5. I’ll be taking comments now through February 10th 2010 (or until all cards are claimed).  Good luck! xo

Caught red handed.

~ thedailydish ~ 9 Comments

I am pleased to announce wonderfish Blackie is home at last.  No he did not DIE!  He’s back in his tank.  I spent the bulk of this morning scrubbing it, and by lunchtime he was happily swimming round his decorative pagodas once more.  Upon closer inspection, however, his filter looked suspect.  So we decided to go to the pet store to see about buying a replacement.  Whilst there I noticed they had a large array of hamsters.  Male & female, several different varieties, ALL VERY CUTE.  So while my husband took a gander at filters, I kept watch on the rodents.  And OH MY GOODNESSS!!  They had Teddy Bear hamsters! Which looked jusssst like HAMMIE.  My daughter’s most beloved pet.  Next thing I knew I was squatting down beside the cage, slipping up the lid and reaching right in.  Most of them were asleep, so they didn’t know any different.  But the one who was mostly awake didn’t much like the proximity of my hand to his head.  He started snarling at me in that hamster way, bearing his long gnawing teeth.  Fortunately he got scared and ran into a plastic tube, leaving me free to pet his semiconscious friends.  I’d barely touched one of them when a voice rang out beside me.  A sales clerk stood a couple feet away, gazing down quizzically.  It was clear I was the first adult she’d ever caught in an unauthorized petting situation.  She asked whether I’d consulted a sales associate about handling.  I played dumb.  Ooooh, I was supposed to??  She gave me a look that clearly conveyed OF COURSE YOU MORON.  I continued squatting in front on the cage, mostly b/c I didn’t know what else to do and wanted to appear as nonchalant as possible.  She just stood there, looking at me.  I think she was afraid as soon as her back was turned, my hand would be in the cage grabbing one of the hamsters and making a run for it.  She asked if I was interested in one of the hamsters, whether I wanted to purchase one of the hamsters.  I answered noncommittally.  Then I fixed my gaze on the cage, hoping she would just walk away.  Finally my husband approached, asking me to come check out the filters.  I stood up and never looked back.