I love this place. Why are there so many chiropractors?

YES!!!!!! FINALLY! After my prolonged & totally unacceptable ABSENCE, I am BACK!!!

AND It’s official!!  My family & I are now MAINERS**.

**NOTE: We really are transplanted Philadelphians now living in the guise of MAINERS, but I’m giving it to us anyway.

SO HOW’S THINGSS??!  I KNOW.  It HAS BEEN A LONG TIME< HASN’T IT??  OOoh, I am sorry to hear that.  How awful.  My next-door neighbor’s dad got laid off too, but then they called him up a week later and offered him another job.  Yeah what a crap fest.  Good thing he decided not to jump. Huh?  ME??  Ohh. well you know how it’s been total craziness the past few months.  The whole “packing up the house and moving to a 2 bedroom apartment in a completely new city” thing.

I guess it’s to be expected, but this move is taking a little getting used to.  You can take the girl outta Philly, but you can’t take the Philly outta the girl. Right?  RIGHT. SO. The first night we arrived.  We’re outside unloading the U-Haul.  It’s really dark out – we didn’t get here until after 7 – so we’re unloading, and a car sloooowwwwly drives by.  Then another.  And of course we’re all thinking DAMN! They’re totally casing the joint – just waiting for us to be inside so they can help themselves to our stuff.  But then, another car drives by… slowly.. slowing.. to a virtual stop.  The driver looks at us.. we look at her.. and.. and.. then she smiles and WAVES!  Because people here aren’t thieves. They’re just NICE.

SO>As you can imagine. There’s a whole mental adjustment taking place. No one is trying to cart off our belongings.  No one is skulking in the bushes waiting to stick me up or show me his “thing.”  This Portland.  It’s a whole new world!  And, lest I forget to mention, after just one week here in Portland — (hold your breath) — we get OUR MAIL!!!!  Can you believe it?!  I KNOWOOOO.  We’ve only been here a week.  ONE HONKIN WEEK.  And we’re RENTERS!  No matter.  Our friendly mail carrier does her job like a PRO.  We actually had mail WAITING for us when we arrived.

HAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHHH!!!

Back in Philly – where we’ve owned a home for ALMOST EIGHT YEARS, we STILL DON’T GET OUR MAIL

PS: Thanks for that awesome card, Curly babe! Love ya! xoxo

BUT BESIDES THE MAIL, there are some other things I’ve noticed about Portland.

Number One: Portland is clean.

As long as you don’t mind cigarette butts and dog shit.  B/c BOY ARE THEY EVERYWHERE.  But other than that. This city is pretty clean, at least in comparison to Philly.  Seriously, the day before we moved, I had to go to Target to pick up a few things.  As I waded through ankle-deep trash in the parking lot, I noted the number of empty garbage cans just begging to be used.  Here in Portland, I can’t find a trash can.  Not even outside people’s homes.  I am convinced everyone here stuffs garbage inside their clothes to keep warm.  And this theory isn’t just crackpot.  NO, it’s backed up by HARD EVIDENCE.  You see, here in Portland you have to pay for special blue *CITY OF PORTLAND* trash bags to put your weekly garbage in for collection.  I KID YOU NOT.  AND. Not only are these designer bags expensive, but they are EXPENSIVE.  $7.50 for FIVE.  F-I-V-E.  YET, you don’t see dingbats dumping their garbage in random lots – or dropping chicken buckets out car windows while waiting for the lights to change.  Nuh-uh.  Garbage in Portland “appears” to be a dirty little secret no one wants to air.  People hide it away until trash day when they are FORCED to put it out on the street – B/C THEY HAVE TO.  THANK GOODNESS for those pretty blue bags.

Number Two: Portland is home to a population of roughly 65,000 – 3,893 of whom are Chiropractors.

On every corner in Philly, there’s either a pizza/take-out beer place or some sort of mini-mart bodega.  Here in Portland there is a chiropractor’s office.  Sometimes two.  On one stretch of Congress Street, I’ve actually counted 3 chiropractors in a row.  With another just a block or two away.  All this adjustment raises several questions.  First.  If you are working as a chiropractor in Portland, how can you possibly be making enough to buy trash bags?  And Two.  What the hell is happening up here that warrants so much manipulation?  I’m hazarding a guess with snow shoveling> but .  BUT?  ANYONE??  Can someone help me out here.  Please>??  I am stumped.

GIVING THANKS.

hellothere1
I CAN SEEEEEEE YOUUUUU. Really! Now put some clothes on.

YES I KNOW it’s Thanksgiving! I am full too, but I’m not sitting around in my flesh-colored bodysuit. SWEATPANTS PEOPLE!! It’s what they were made for.

I just wanted to take a moment to do something – apart from the whole yogurt tasting – that I’ve been meaning to do for some time. We all know today is meant to be a day to count our blessings. For each of us to stop a moment and say LIFE IS GOOD. Well. Now that I’ve been doing this blog for 14 months, I think it’s about time for me to devote a post to things I am thankful for, like

YOU. You are a friend and/or stranger who somehow stumbled upon this blog. Perhaps you were looking to buy a vacuum. You like Gus the Pennsylvania Lottery Mascot. You shun dog clothes and ass shorts. and dolls named Cloe. You have 18 year old towels. You ride your bike on the sidewalk – or, conversely, want to round up all sidewalk riders and place them in internment camps. You let your dog poop in the woods and enjoy camping. YOU LOVE EASTENDERS!! You enjoy nature. and photography. AND WINE. You live in an old house. You’ve won money GAMBLING! Or, You’re trying to quit smoking. You lost your hamster – and then found it. OR, you’re looking to get rid of DEAD MOUSE SMELL. You’ve done the craziest things EVER for the love of pets. You think the way you drive speaks VOLUMES. You are a crazy cat lady at heart! You LOVE being a momma. AND your friend is giving birth at home. You’re wild about Valentine’s Day. You’re learning to sew. You NEVER get your mail. AND You just found an x-rated animal cracker while watching TV w/ your kids.

HOWEVER YOU GOT HERE. THANK YOU for being a part of The Daily Dish.

This blog is me. and I am it. It’s where I like to be and it looks like all of my dreams.

atthestore

THIS IS LIFE. Round past bedtime at the BEST BUY kind of life. You can tell by my tired eyes and less-than-tame hairdo, I am looking forward to a glass (or three) of wine. My older daughter is still snapping photos and my other daughter is half asleep. My husband is… shall we say.. NOT AMUSED?

THIS IS ME. in all my unglory. And yet you keep coming back to read all about it. A Philadelphian. A woman who feels guilty throwing away perfectly good underwear, who thinks her feet are the most underrated appendages on her body. Someone w/ a freaky ear disease who runs a low sodium recipe website. An unapologetic and unabashed wino, wife and mother, who is grateful above all else for my family, my health, and my sense of humor. Who has found a world of acceptance and friendship simply by opening up through a blog.

For all the amazing people I have met here. Who make my world a happier place, and life all the fuller. For each and every one of you, I give thanks.

THE GREAT YOGURT TASTE OFF!

yogurttasteoff1

Yogurt. The stuff of legend. Well.. maybe not, but to me.. yogurt is T-RRIFIC. This weekend while visiting w/ my sister and her FABBBULOUS new boyfriend, we got to talking about yogurt. And I finally decided to do something I’ve always wanted to do. NAMELY, hold my very own taste test… of YOGURT!  YAY!!!!!!!!!!

I eat enough of the stuff to support at least one company in the style to which they’ve become accustomed.  (I am talking to YOU Stonyfield.)  BUT why limit myself?  I am a woman of adventure, of daring, of DAIRY!  There are dozens of yogurts out there on the market, just waiting to be sampled.

Thinking about all that yummy delicious yogurt makes my mouth water…. but how to compare a peach whole milk to a soy caramel latte to a goat’s milk key lime pie?? In order to maintain fairness and accuracy in this TASTE OFF! I would have to set restrictions. BEHOLD the 3 Basic Criteria for Eligibility:

  • VANILLA yogurt only;
  • made of NON FAT cow’s milk; with
  • NO Chemical Sweeteners.

Most manufacturers produce some sort of vanilla.  I excluded non-cow’s milk (soy milk, goat’s milk, coconut milk) to be fair.  And to hedge against varying levels of milk fat across low fat or light brands, I opted for FAT FREE products. Finally, I decided NOT to taste test any yogurts containing artificial sweeteners – b/c I hate them and this is MY CONTEST.

Although most of the yogurts are organic, a few are not. I decided to include conventional (aka, NON organic) yogurt for two reasons. One. Although there is normally a price differential associated with buying organic (i.e., it usually costs more), this was not necessarily the case here.  I wanted to see why.  Two. I felt comparing organic and conventional yogurts would add yet another level of interest to the experiment. YES we all know that organic yogurt is better for you, but does it also TASTE BETTER??

Curd for curd, my goal in this GREAT YOGURT TASTE OFF! was to find the best tasting, best value nonfat vanilla on the market. NOTE: In an ideal world, I would have been able to find all of the yogurts in single-serving 6 oz. cups. Unfortunately, after hauling it to 5 stores I took what I could get. BUT YOU GET THE IDEA. Now onto the results.

THE WINNERS!!!

Colombo Classic New England Made Nonfat Vanilla Yogurt (conventional)
colombo
$0.80 for 6 oz.
Good texture. Slightly thick, yet smooth and creamy. Reminds me of Stonyfield’s subtle sweetness, but with a touch more vanilla flavor. This is a yummy yogurt I would definitely buy again and recommend to others.

Stonyfield Farm Organic Fat Free French Vanilla Yogurt
stonyfieldff
$0.99 for 6 oz.
This has been my go-to yogurt for years. I still love Stonyfield’s thick (almost chunky) appearance and very smooth & creamy texture. By comparison it is much less sweet than competitors, with only a hint of vanilla. Just how I like it.

Horizon Organic Fat-Free Vanilla Yogurt
horizon1
$4.69 for 32 oz.
Top marks for this delicious organic yogurt, with its smooth, light and creamy texture. This one is a bit sweeter than Stonyfield, with a more discernible vanilla taste. Highly recommended.

Brown Cow All Natural Nonfat Vanilla (conventional)
browncow
$0.89 for 6 oz.
It’s hard to believe this yogurt’s fat free! TONS of vanilla flavor in a very sweet, rich and creamy base. This yogurt is perfect for those craving decadent desserts while dieting. A little sweeter than I’m accustomed to, but delicious all the same. Recommended.

THE LOSERS

Chobani Vanilla Non Fat Greek Yogurt (conventional)
chobani
$1.59 for 6 oz.
This yogurt is not cheap, though it was the least expensive of the three Greek-style yogurts sampled. I read a bit about Greek yogurt before undertaking this experiment, both to educate as well as prepare myself for what it would be like. I agree with most reviews which describe Greek yogurt as chalky and unappealing. Both adjectives can easily be used to describe Chobani, as well as unbelievably thick, not sweet, with no discernible vanilla flavor. Do not buy this unless you enjoy Greek yogurt or need cheap glue.

365 Organic Vanilla Nonfat Yogurt
365organic
$0.89 for 6 oz.
I am not sure how to describe this yogurt. I took one bite and UGH!!!! actually had to spit it out. It had a very pronounced sour “yogurt-y” taste. Almost too much to believe. Until I looked more closely at the cup and realized it was actually expired by THREE WEEKS. Way to sell me that Oct 28th yogurt on November 18th, Whole Foods. I will not be going back for another.

Wallaby Organic Vanilla Bean Creamy Australian Style Nonfat Yogurt
wallaby
$0.99 for 6 oz.
This Australian-style yogurt is actually manufactured in California. Having never been to Australia, I’m not sure what difference there is in our yogurts, except to say this had a smoother, more blended feel. This was one of only two yogurts to have any visible vanilla bean specks, and Wallaby had by FAR the strongest vanilla flavor of any yogurt sampled. Check and check. Unfortunately, it was also extremely sweet, with a flavor reminiscent of Kaopectate. I will not be buying this one again.

Oikos Organic Greek Yogurt Vanilla
oikos
$1.99 for 6 oz.
This Greek-style yogurt is made by Stonyfield Farm, which might account for my liking it slightly better than the other two I tried. It had a much lighter consistency – almost whipped – which made it mildly appealing, though in flavor I’d be hard pressed to distinguish it from plain yogurt. Very little sweetness and virtually no vanilla flavor. Not recommended.

Skyr.is Vanilla (conventional)
skyr
$2.79 for 6 oz.
FOUR WORDS: UNBELIEVABLY THICK AND EXPENSIVE. This was the priciest yogurt by far, and not even organic. Granted, it’s a Greek Style yogurt manufactured in Iceland. But even that can’t make up for it. I want to label this yogurt a novelty – it even comes with its own very nifty snap-shut spoon, but frankly save your $2.79. The yogurt is, as I said, incredibly thick, with a soft cheese consistency. To its credit Skyr.is was the only other yogurt besides Wallaby to have visible vanilla bean specks. But its barely sweet taste and batter-like consistency were just too much to conquer. I will not be buying this again.

Butterworks Farm Vermont Vanilla Organic Nonfat Yogurt
butterworks1
$3.99 for 32 oz.
Knowing my predilection for ALL THINGS VERMONT, I was poised to love this yogurt like none other.  Unfortunately, this was the only other yogurt – besides the EXPIRED ONE – that I physically spit out. I am sorry. I feel terrible saying this about yogurt lovingly and wholesomely produced by a small family farm in the Northern Kingdom, but this yogurt is awful. Truly sour. AND Curdy. With no discernible vanilla flavor. Looking at their website, their Maple Yogurt seems to get high marks. Try that one instead.

365 Fat Free Vanilla Nonfat Yogurt (conventional)
365conventional
$0.59 for 6 oz.
I normally LOVE BARGAINS. But sometimes you have to pay more to get what you want. This is one of those times. This yogurt was – shall I say it? GROSS. with a pronounced vanilla flavor that tasted fake. It was so nasty, I double-checked the fine print to see if it was natural vanilla. TWICE. I guess it’s the yogurt equivalent of buying a GUCCI bag off the guy in the street. Whole Foods may be a wonderful store, but frankly their yogurt has left me shuddering. First expired, then THIS. Good thing it only cost 59 cents.

IN CONCLUSION.

The GREAT YOGURT TASTE OFF! was certainly a learning experience. As someone accustomed to eating roughly 2 cups of yogurt on an average day – even for me, this was a little TOO MUCH.

The difference in taste between these yogurts was nothing less than astounding. Now having sampled so many different makers, I realize just what I love about Stonyfield Farm and why I keep coming back. Although I liked Brown Cow and Colombo, neither is organic. And although I also enjoyed Horizon Organic, I don’t like it any better than Stonyfield. In conclusion: there’s a reason why I’ve stayed with Stonyfield all these years. Healthy, delicious organic yogurt at a reasonable price.

The Bissell Pet Hair Eraser

Every single upright vacuum I’ve ever owned has SUCKED, and not in the way it should. No matter how many belts I’ve changed, how many clogs I’ve unplugged, how much FREAKING HAIR I’VE UNWOUND, each and every one of them has failed.

You buy a vacuum. It looks good. It works well for a (short) period of time. And then SOMETHING HAPPENS. I do not know what precisely this IT is. But afterward, it will vacuum no more. Sure, the machine will push the dirt around, pretending to vacuum, but we both know it’s not picking anything up. Eventually the burning smell grows too strong to stand and the no-suck sucker gets shoved to the curb.

My parents, and now my own family, have experienced the heartache of crappy vacuums too many times to recall. My folks have sent countless vacuums to the repair shop, to no avail. Two years ago, out of desperation, my husband & I decided to use a shop vac exclusively. On the plus side: it works.  Unfortunately, it’s also freight-train heavy, cumbersome in size and indiscriminate in suction.  The shop vac’s superpower doesn’t wane, but frankly MINE DOES. Which makes cleaning more than once every 2 weeks an impossibility unless I want to be crippled.

But we have a LOT of pets. And we have kids. All of which are dirty. Our dog Max, for instance, has some sort of “seasonal” allergy which lasts roughly 348 days of the year.  This “problem” (for lack of a better word) leaves him an itchy, flaky, balding, stinking mess and our floors looking like a Head & Shoulders/Rogaine user’s most soul-shuddering nightmare. As you can imagine, Max is going through a particularly bad patch right now, leading to my thinking about this cleaning dilemma a lot.  If our vacuum weighed less than 75 pounds and was smaller than a kitchen table, I could use it more frequently.

So yesterday I went to BJs and I picked myself up a vacuum.

HOLY CRAP!!  I thought when I saw it.  THIS is IT.  I barely read the rest of the box; PET HAIR ERASER was enough for me. I looked at the price. Not cheap at $139.99 – but way cheaper than the $500 FREAKING DOLLAR DYSON right beside it. I wasn’t terribly optimistic, knowing how many times I’ve been had by other vacuums. But anything was better than hauling that shop vac up & down the stairs one more time.

My husband put it together last night, and had it working in minutes. I vacuumed one room and watched with pleasure as the canister filled with gray filth. I pushed that beautiful vacuum up and down our floors, gazing as it gobbled detritus like dessert, hairballs spiraling like a cyclone. OH! Pet Hair Eraser, where have you been all my life??

As I vacuumed, my heart filled with joy.  B/c my floors were clean. I could walk across them w/out leaving footprints.  The soles of my shoes were not plastered with hair.  I was FREE.

I vacuumed the whole first floor last night.  NO back-breaking labor.  No hunching over – dragging the damn shop vac throughout the house.  Today I brought my new Pet Hair Eraser upstairs and vacuumed the 2nd and 3rd floors.. WITHOUT BEING ASKED!!!!!  My husband – God Bless him – I know he did not marry me for my cleaning skills.  But he is gonna be LOVING ME MORE THAN EVER!  NOW That our home has been liberated from dander.

THANK YOU Bissell Pet Hair Eraser with Dual Cyclonic Action and extra long cord!!

Thank you for making me so very HAPPY!

Ladies & Gentlemen, may I introduce the greatest pet-hair-sucking-up machine ever: The Bissell Pet Hair Eraser.  Long May It Live. (PS: Click that link. The TV commercial for this thing is seriously funny.)